


Fifth Second Of Summer

by one_and_only



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: (only background), Demons Are Assholes, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Michael and Calum are assholes but the fun kind, Mindless Fluff, Protective Ashton, Reality, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sweet Luke, goodbye friends, i need to stop goodbye, jk do whatever you want, not actually but that is a real tag that needs to be celebrated, read my fic OR DIE, tags tags tags, wow tags are fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-24 23:10:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 32,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1620347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_and_only/pseuds/one_and_only
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate meets 5SOS on vacation, they hit it off, particularly Luke. Soon, they decide to add her to the band. She suddenly has every girls' dream-- touring with 5 Seconds Of Summer and One Direction, being part of it all. She's like a little sister to all of them, Ashton always says. Luke disagrees. Drama ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arizona

**Author's Note:**

> First fic! It probably gets better as it goes on?

                  I settled into my seat, turning my phone to airplane mode and getting out my book. I was so not looking forward to this trip, Arizona is hot and stuffy and i miss the north. My parents are back home, they sent me out here for a week to help my grandparents around the house. At least I have this plane ride to myself before I give up all sense of privacy for a week. I'd gotten upgraded to first class, at least that was good. As I watched passengers board the plane, I wondered who would be my seatmate. I breathe out a sigh of relief as the greasy old man passes, one of disappointment as a girl who looked around my age passed. I would have liked someone to talk to this flight, to keep my mind off everything that's been going on. Subconsciously playing with my bracelets, I start to think. I look down at my scars-- dumb, ugly scars-- reminders of everything I've done wrong, of every secret I've kept.  These scars, the ones on my arms, they were dumb. I usually do them on my hips, where nobody will see. On my arm though-- those I can look at, I can run my fingers over, I can have as a constant reminder of how utterly useless, unimportant, powerless, unworthy I am. I feel my breath speed up, get deeper, eyes watering. _No,_ I think.  _No, Kate, you absolutely cannot have a panic attack on this public plane._ I put my hands over my face so nobody will see as I try to calm myself down. "Excuse me!" I hear a bright, chirpy, accented voice. "I think my seat is in this row... why so glum?" He says as I look up. He looks familiar, but I cant think of anything at the moment. "Oh, it's nothing... Oh my god Ashton?"

 


	2. Meeting Ashton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there the last chapter didn't have anyone in it but i promise it gets better... sorry if it was triggering or something. I'm really bad at dialogue/everything else, but bear with me

        As I looked up I realized the familiar voice belonged to Ashton Irwin, the drummer of my favorite band, 5 Seconds Of Summer. "Oh my god, sorry, hi, I'm a huge fan, are you sitting here?" I said as I realized I had completely forgotten to move to let him in. I scrambled to get up and let him through. "Hi, love, it's fine. Always good to meet a fan! Are you alright?" He says in that lovely angel voice of his. "Yeah, I'm fine, I guess, just I bit messed up. I won't bother you with it, I'm not terribly interesting and I'm sure you want to sleep or something." 

"No! I'd love to hear, if you need to talk about it. I hope I could be helpful to you," he said.

"Um, well, okay. I guess. I should start of with this-- you guys, all four of you, kind of saved me. I should thank you for that. I kind of have a problem, you know, with..." I trail off as I push away my bracelets. "Oi! Love, that's not, no, you shouldn't... why did you do that?" Ashton inquired, clearly upset. "I know, it was dumb. I'm trying to stop, truly. You guys, your band, you distracted me when I needed it. I'm so,  _so,_ grateful, I hope you know that," I explained. "I don't want to make you worried Ashton, let's talk about something else, yeah?"

"Hey, love, don't ever apologize for your feelings. But yeah, we can talk about something else, of course. Tell me about yourself-- I've not even gotten your name!" He asked, sincerely but suddenly cheerful.

"I'm Katherine, but people call me Kate, or whatever else they want." 

"Katherine, that's pretty! I'll call you Kate, if that's good. What do you like to do?"

"I do art and music," I say, an answer my parents hate. It's not in their plan for me to be some scientist or doctor, so they absolutely despise that I do any of it.

"Oh, music!" Ashton said. "You know, I do that to," he joked. 

"You don't say," I retort. "You? I don't imagine you'd be any good."

"Haha, hilarious," he says. "How about you? Are you any good? What do you play?"

I'm taken aback-- people aren't usually interested in my creative side. "Piano.. and I sing" I say tentatively. "Yeah, I mainly sing, voice lessons and all that."

"Oh, how nice. I'll have to hear you sometime, Kate."

"No, no, I wouldn't subject you to that, I'm really quite shit."

"Aw, don't be so hard on yourself. Now I insist on hearing you sing. Go."

"Here, Ash? We're on an airplane. It's hardly an appropriate time to torture people with my voice!"

"None of that, darling, stop putting yourself down and sing for me."

"I mean... I don't even know what to sing... "

Ashton took my iPod, scrolling through the songs. "Here," he said. "Bitterness Or Sympathy."

"You listen Ron Pope?" I asked, the thought of my idol listening to my favorite singer warmed my heart.

"I don't really, but Luke forces us to listen to him all the time. I like this song. Sing."

"Um.. Okay.. 

_Is it bitterness, or symathy, that keeps you standing next to me_

_I've sacrificed, my peace of mind to stay here with you wasting time_

_And now I think_

_I'd like to walk away_

See, I told you, I'm no good, Ashton."

"That?" he said, incredulous. " _That_ was your definition of 'no good'? You should be on tour, selling out arenas right now. If that was no good, i don't even want to think about what my band is."

"You're only saying that... don't lie to me," I say. I'm confused, it's almost as if he's mocking me, if I didn't know better I'd say he was.

" I would never. You're good. I'll have to keep in touch with you. When we land, you're putting your information in my phone."

 


	3. Phone Calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter was weird just please keep reading. I'm @boohazza2202 on the twit, if this has reached past mutuals I forced to read this, follow me pleaseeee :)

           A few days later, I was still in a state of bliss... Ashton Irwin sat next to me. I met Ashton Irwin. Ashton Irwin talked to me. Ashton Irwin asked me to sing for him. Ashton Irwin  _complimented_ me. Ashton Irwin said Luke Hemmings has the same favorite singer as me. Ashton Irwin  _asked for my number_. I know Ashton Irwin as "Ash". I was never getting over this. Like, ever. I was sitting there on a bed at my grandparents house, reveling in the events two days prior.

_BRING RING RING RING A LING RING_

I was startled out of my trance when my cell phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, it was a new number. Curious, I answered.

"Hello?" I asked nervously. I hoped it wasn't like a serial killer or something. 

"Hi, love! Why so scared sounding? It's just me!" I recognized Ashton's voice.

"Oh my god, Ashton, your number wasn't programmed into my phone... I thought you were a stalker or murderer or something!"

"No, sweetheart, just me! I was wondering, are you still in Arizona?" he inquired.

"Yeah, actually I am! Are you?"

"I am! Where are you staying, can I come over? I want to talk to you about something."

"I'd love that. Let me ask my grandmother-- GRANDMA! CAN MY FRIEND ASHTON COME OVER?" I shouted.

"Sure, sweetheart! Are you hungry? I'll make you two some food."

"It's all good with her, come over!" I told Ash.

"Actually, I had an idea. Why don't I pick you up and you can meet the other boys? They'd like to meet you, I've been talking up a storm. Luke is absolutely dying to meet the 'Mysterious Ron Pope Fan'"

I gave him the address, and he came over ten minutes later and knocked on the door.

"Are you Katie's friend? You look a great deal older..." Grandma said when she opened it.

"Gram, don't worry, he's just a friend," I hastily assured her.

"Ah, yes ma'am. I'd never try anything, Kate's like a little sister to me," Ashton said. I beamed at that.  _A little sister._ I'd always wanted a protective older brother. Mine was abusive, I'd craved the relationship Ashton had just described.

"Well, have fun, be safe and responsible, and call me if something goes wrong."

After I assured her that Ashton was responsible and safe we took off. "It really meant a lot to me, what you said back there," I told him.

"What, the little sister stuff? It's true-- we've just met but I care about you, I want you in my life, Kate."

"Me too, Ash, you have no idea. Is that what you wanted to talk about?"

"Sort of," he said. "It's related... I mean... You're really talented, you know? "

"I.. I mean... thank you... what does that have to do with anything?"

"I want you to sing for the other boys. I want you around, I want to protect you. And someone as talented as you should be sharing their talent. Performing. Does that sound like something you would want?"

"Yeah. Yeah... it does. I don't know what you have in mind, but it sounds great."

We arrived at a luxe hotel. "Here we are!" he said. Let's get you upstairs to meet the guys!" We made our way up to the top floor, and entered a room with plates upon plates of food, dirty clothes all around, and three boys sitting on the bed playing video games. When we walked in, only Luke looked up. "Well hey!" he said. "Who's this, Ashton, and why haven't we been introduced?"

"Keep your pants on, Luke," Michael quips. I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. "You've got a beautiful laugh, mystery girl. What's your name?" Luke asks.

"I'm Kate, you must be Luke. Nice to meet you. All of you," I say. "Wow, she's hot, she's got a sense of humor and she's polite? Lukey, she's just your type!" Calum exclaimed. "Heeey!" whined Ash. "Be appropriate-- don't corrupt her. Kate has something to show us. Don't you, sweetie?"

"Umm, I guess. What do you want me to do?"

"One of ours! Yeah, Luke, grab your guitar, Kate's gonna sing Wherever You Are."

"Oh, a musician? She just gets better and better..." Luke trailed off, biting his lip. "LUKE," Ashton snapped. "Calm down."

"Yeah, yeah, let's play babe, okay?" Luke suggested. He played, I sang, and the other three joined in on the last chorus. It just felt  _right._ Ash began whispering to Michael, made eye contact with Calum, then Luke nodded. Michael started speaking. What happened next just doesn't happen in real life-- I still barely believe it.


	4. The Interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello... Oh I've been forgetting to write that I dont own or know any of the characters it's just imagination blahblahblah luke hemmings is really hot but not as smooth as he was trying to be in this past chapter so sorry

       They asked me to join the band. _They asked me to join the band._ THEY ASKED ME TO JOIN THE BAND. Months later, after rehearsals, paperwork, convincing my parents to let their 14 year old drop out of school to go on tour with 4 teenage boys, we were ready to make the announcement. It was going to be in an interview, they were going to bring me out and show me to the world. I was sitting with Luke, worrying about everything. I'd gotten particularly close with Luke over the preparatory months. Obviously they were all my best friends- Ash was like a brother to me, Calum taught me to play bass, Michael and pigged out together and played video games.But with Luke, something was different. We just clicked! I think it's because our ages are so close, or maybe our music taste, I don't know. Whatever it was, I was glad to have him. We had this interview today, then a recording session, then I was going to meet the One Direction boys that we were going on tour with. I was nervous as anything. After this my life would never be private again. Luke stayed with me, rubbing my back and kissing my forehead until I was ready.

The interview went by in a blur. I came out, hair styled and makeup perfect. I spoke about my life and how I met the boys and joined the band. When the interviewer asked how the boys felt about having a girl in the band, they were brutally honest. It was the first time I felt like me again, just hanging out with my four best friends.

"Well," Michael said, "We thought if we got a girl she'd cook for us. That is not the case."

"Michael, you banned  _me_ from using anything other than the toaster. It's not my fault."

"Kate, that's because your food tastes like cardboard," Calum said.

"Well, Calum, I told you I can't cook! You pushed me on it!"

"Yeah babe," Ashton began."That's because you say you're shit at everything." He turned to the interviewer. "The day we met, she told be she couldn't sing at all. She's not even modest, she's just a liar." I stuck my tongue out at him. "Now, now," the interviewer said, reeling us back in. "So, Kate, we know those four are single. How about you?"

"Nope. No no no. Katie here isn't allowed to date," Ashton interjected. "Oh, really, Ash, whose rule is that?" I ask. "Mine. No dating until you're old and wrinkly."

"So I take it you're all very protective over her?" the interviewer inquired. "Yeah--" Calum began, soon interrupted by Michael. "We worry about her, she seems so much older but she  _is_  only 14, living the life of a rockstar. We worry."

"She's strong though," Luke chimed in.

"Yeah, Luke, but like, she's like a little sister to all of us," Ash said. "We just wanna, you know, make sure she doesn't get hurt."

"Yeah!" Michael and Calum agreed. "Yeah.. a, uh, yeah like a younger, ehm, um yeah, like a younger um sister, I guess," Luke says, like he's having trouble with the statement.


	5. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you laugh at the chapter names because I think they're ridiculous and pretentious. Enjoy!

      After the interview, Luke was being weird. He was being quiet, which wasn't so odd, but he'd usually play with my fingers or my hair, seem happier. Now he just seemed, I don't know,  _defeated._  When we got to the studio, I pulled him aside. "Luke, hey, what's up? Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, don't worry about me, Kate. Just go worry about being a sweet little girl for Ash and the others," Luke snapped.

"Luke! What do you mean? Talk to me. Your head isn't glass, you need to tell me what's wrong so I can try to fix it." 

"I'm sorry, okay? It's just really hard, Kate, it's fucking impossible for me to feel like I'm supposed to about you when you seem so mature, when you're so... _you."_

"So  _me,_ Luke?" I was getting frustrated with him. "So what, do you not want me here? Look, I'm sorry for being myself, I guess!" I snapped as I turned to storm off. 

"No, Kate, you aren't understanding me! I mean.. like..." Luke rambles. "Like what, Luke? Tell me what you mean," I plead. He takes a deep breath. "You aren't like a sister to me," he says. "Yeah, Luke you've made that much clear. Can I go now, or do you want to tell me how much you hate me and don't want me around more?"

"Kate! Please, just listen to me! You aren't like a sister to me- you're more. It's like, risky, though-- we work together, I don't want to put the band in danger. And I... I mean... Kate, I, I'm..." He suddenly surges forward, his lips meet mine. He kisses me, roughly, passionately, intensely. I kissed him back, and everything made sense. He didn't hate me, he was attracted to me. He didn't feel like a brother, he felt like  _more._

I broke the kiss. "Well," I say. "I'm certainly glad we cleared that up."


	6. Clarification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Kate discuss some stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy, my friends!

          "I...I'm sorry, but you had to know," Luke said earnestly."I promise I won't try anything again, but, you know, it's better than you hating me."

"No! Luke, babe, don't apologize. I... I mean,  _Luke._ How could you think I don't feel the same way?"

"What?" Luke looked up. "You mean...like, Kate. _Kate._ I fall harder for you every day. I know it's a risk if it doesn't work out, but-"

"But we're already too far in this for it not to cause trouble  or effect our work. I say we try dating, Luke, I can't stand the thought of not being with you," I say.

Luke grinned, then leaned down to kiss me again, this time sweetly. "Yeah, that sounds good. Shall we get back to the guys? They might be getting worried," he suggested. "Yeah-- Hey! do you wanna mess with them a bit? Let's see how long we can keep it a secret from them, our own little game!" I proposed. Luke just looked at me. "God, you're wonderful," he said. "One last kiss before we go into hiding?" 

***

When we got back to the other guys, Ashton was in the booth, recording the drum solo for a new song. Calum looked up. "Hey, where'd you guys go off to? We wanted to talk to you about the One Direction boys. There's kind of some stuff that's been kept under wraps, we just want to warn you. It's about Harry and Louis--"

"They're dating?" I interrupted. "How'd you know?" Michael groaned. "Did Ashton tell you? I swear, you've got him wrapped around your finger."

"Heeeeeyyy!" Ash called out from booth he was exiting. "I didn't tell her! And If we're talking about being wrapped around her fingers, you let her paint your fingernails last night, so I wouldn't talk if I were you."

"Nah, Mikey, Ash didn't tell me-- I was a bit of a 'Larry Shipper' back in grade school. I knew it! Oh my god, I so called it!"

"Yeah, you were right, get on with it. But you know, you can't tell anyone, ok? You know how big of a secret that is..." Michael warned me. I agreed and we set off to meet up with One Direction. 


	7. Meeting One Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate meets One Direction for the first time. Larry is true love and I ship it harder than Kate and Luke oops. (hi).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting my Larry in! It's real or you are wrong.

        As we arrived at Harry and Louis's house, where we were meeting all of the 1D boys, I was suddenly nervous. What if they didn't like me? We were all going to be on tour together for over a year, and they were best friends with the rest of the band. If they didn't like me, what would I do? I had gotten caught up in my thoughts, so much so that I had forgotten to get out of the car. I had been nestled into Luke's side in the car, so he noticed immediately. "Hey babe, c'mon, the others have all gone inside. Why haven't you gotten up?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm just nervous, that's all. What if they hate me?" I said tentatively. 

"Hey, love, don't think like that. What's not to love?" Luke assured me.

"There's a ton not to love, Luke, don't coddle me."

"Hey, babe, see yourself clearly for once, please. Look, the other three liked you right away, and as for me, I've been practically in love with you since day one. What are you worried about, sweetheart, they'll love you too."

I couldn't help it. I leaned forward, about to kiss him when we heard Ashton's shout. "Luke! Kate! Come on, let's get on with it, come inside!" As we made our way through the doorway, Ash stopped Luke behind me. "Luke, bro, what are you doing, man? If you're getting close, just, like, be careful, alright?"

"You don't have some claim on her, Ash, we all care about her. I'm obviously not going to do anything to her."

I heard Ashton sigh, then, worried he'd reveal my secret, I turned around. "Ash!" I said suddenly. "Can I talk to you for a moment? In private?" 

Luke began to walk over to me. "You okay babe?" he asked quietly. "Yeah, I'm fine, just go ahead. I'll be on in a minute." Luke looked skeptical, but I gave him a pleading gaze and he went on. 

"Ash, I don't want any of them to know about my scars, please don't tell them. They'll never see me the same."

"I know about it, and I haven't treated you different!"

"That was practically the first thing you learned about me Ash, it's different. Please, just be cool."

"I just don't want them to hurt you, Luke's getting really close to you. I used to be the one that knew you better than anyone--"

"You still are, Ash, you still do. You know this, my deepest, darkest secret. They wont hurt me. You should know that better than anyone, they were your friends first."

"Yeah, I know love, but I care about you. You're my like a sister to me, I want you to be happy."

"I will be. I  _am._ You shouldn't get nervous just because I'm spending time with Luke. I spend time with the other boys too."

"I know, but it seems different with Luke... I don't know, maybe it's just me being dumb--"

"Yeah, Ash, I think it is. Just, please, I'm asking you not to tell them.  _Please._ "

"Fine, I won't. But, I don't know, just be careful around Luke? For my sanity?"

"You're being dumb, Ash, but fine. Come on, then let's go in."

We entered the living room, where all the other boys were. Calum, Michael, and Liam were sitting on the couch; Harry was sitting in a chair with Louis under his arm, practically on his lap; Liam and Niall each in their own chairs; Luke standing against the wall, I presumed he was waiting for Ash and I.

"Hi!" I said nervously. "I, uh, I'm Kate. I'm a massive fan!" 

"Aw, thanks love!" Louis said. "I'm Louis, this one is Harry, the blond is Niall, and that's Liam. Zayn is in the kitchen grabbing food." Harry, Niall and Liam waved and said hello.

"It's so great to meet all of you! You two are so cute together," I said, turning to Harry and Louis.

"So she's a smart one! I approve, lads," Harry said. "Told you they'd love you," Luke murmured quietly as he stepped forward and put his arm around my shoulders. I didn't miss Ashton's wary glance. 

"Oh, you must be the new girl! Kate, was it?" I was broken out of my interaction with Luke as I saw Zayn enter the room. "Yep, that'd be me! So nice to meet you, Zayn, right?" I say. He nodded and went to sit on the edge of Niall's seat. 

"So," Liam said. "Tell us about yourself."

*** 

We all spent that afternoon getting to know each other. Luke was right, I had no reason to worry, by some miracle they all seemed to like me okay. We sat around and talked for a while, then we started to play video games. I wasn't terribly engaged, nor was Harry. "Hey, love, want to keep me company while I make dinner?" he asked me. I got up eagerly and followed him into the kitchen. "You can have a seat on one of the stools, or help if you want," he said. "Well I would help, but I'm sure Calum's warned you against my food," I joked. 

"Ah, I see. Nothing living with Louis hasn't presented. He's a mess at all that, cooking, cleaning, everything."

"Ha! I suppose, but, you know, you get to date Louis Tomlinson, so it probably balances out."

"It sure does," Harry chuckled fondly. "You said you knew about us before the lads told you?"

"Yeah, I mean, it wasn't terribly well hidden. Obvious closeting, matching tattoos, the list goes on and on. Not offense."

"None taken. I think it's rather obvious as well, but, well, you know how people are. It sucks, but I've got him by my side, and we're getting more free as we grow. Sorry, you probably don't want to hear about it," he ducked his head sheepishly. 

"No! No, you can like totally always talk to me. I'm infatuated with your relationship-- it kind of got me through a hard time a while back."

"Oh, are you okay? Whatever it was, I'm glad I could help."

Luke walked into the kitchen then. "Hey, Haz," he nodded his head at harry, then turned to me. "What were you talking to Ash about? Is everything okay? Why was he so worried?" he asked.

"Oh, no reason. You know Ashton, he's just protective. He worries," and, lowering my voice, I said "I think he suspects us."

"Luke, can you go see who's staying for dinner?" Harry asked. "Yeah, lad sure thing. I'll be back in a mo'." He exited the kitchen, leaving me alone with Harry once more. "So," Harry began. "I guess that's happening?"

"No! I mean, like, we're just friends, Harry, nothing going on, I swear."

"Okaaaayy," Harry sighed. I could tell he didn't believe me. Whatever, there was nothing he could do to prove it, so we were still safe.

"Liam is staying, the rest are going home or to the hotel," Luke said upon entering the kitchen. "I'm want to stay, but I'll go where you do, babe."

"Stay!" Harry insisted. "Please, it will be fun!"

"Well of course she's staying," I hear Louis approach from behind. "Who would want to miss out on your cooking?" he asks as he leans over the counter to kiss Harry. "That could be us one day," Luke whispers in my ear while Harry is... distracted. "Of course it will," I assure him. 

 


	8. Fifth Wheeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam is unknowingly fifth-wheeling a double date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! much love <3.

              After dinner, we all sat down in the living room. "Tea, anyone?" Harry asked. "Actually, I've got to be getting home, I'll see you tomorrow, lads!" After a chorus of goodbye's, Harry got up to make tea for the rest of us, and Louis followed him into the kitchen. "They might be a while," Luke said. "Louis tends to, erm,  _distract_ Harry at any moment possible."

"Hmmm, well I've got some ideas of how we could pass the time," I murmured as I connected our lips. I kissed him softly as his arms wrapped around my back. I put my hands on his shoulders as he leaned my down on the couch so he was hovering over me, legs slotted between mine. I got absolutely lost in the moment, kissing him harder, more passionately. Everything I felt, all my insecurities, they seemed to fade away when I was with Luke. I'd never felt this way about anyone. His hands moved from my waist to the hem of my shirt, pushing it up. "Wait, Luke, I hear footsteps." He got up, pulling me with him. By the time Harry and Louis returned with the tea, we were out of it, seated upright on the couch, but our hair was messed up and we were still flustered. The sexual tension game was strong. Harry gave us a suspicious gaze. We'd have to be more careful.

***

We snuck around the next couple of days, carefully avoiding Harry or Ashton, who both suspected something. We'd began the North American leg of the tour the night prior, which just made it so much harder to sneak around. Luke had been teaching me guitar, so we were sitting on my bunk. "Ugh!" I exclaimed. "This is too difficult and it hurts my fingers. I'll stick to piano and bass, thanks," I said, exasperated. "Hey, love," Luke said softly. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You don't have to learn if you don't want to. No pressure. I'll always teach you if you want to pick it back up again. "Thanks, baby. Thanks for being happy with me, thanks for not pushing me."

"Yeah, of course, sweetheart, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You're so talented already, I may get intimidated if you gain any more skills!"

"Ha! Stop, you have to say that, you're my boyfriend," I blurted out, uncomfortable with the compliments. I couldn't look at him, afraid I might make him realize how truly untalented I was.

"No, babe, I mean it. Hey-- look at me," he said, lifting my chin up. "You  _are_ talented, more so than I could have ever imagined."

"Luke, you don't have to do this, I don't blame you. I don't know why you even like me. I mean, thank you for supporting me, and everything, but you really don't have to lie, Luke."

"Kate, baby,  _darling._ It breaks my heart that you can't see how utterly flawless you are. I've never felt like this before, you make me feel like I'm flying. I've never met anyone as beautiful as you. I love the way your eyes sparkle when you talk about music, I love how you get in your own little world when you're drawing. I love how effortlessly beautiful you are, I love how kind and caring you are. I love how you giggle at everything, I love how your laugh lights up my day. You have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. I love you Kate, I wish you loved yourself as much as I love you."

"You  _love_ me? Luke, you can't love me, I'm...--"

"You're everything I need, Kate, just accept it. You may not understand it, but I'm in love with you. Look, I learned something for you."

I recognized the chords to a song I'd mentioned that I loved the day we met.

_I do not love you for the way you kiss_

_Though your lips, they can put me at ease_

_And I do not love you for your sweet brown eyes_

_Though I love when they're looking at me_

I giggles at the lyric change from green to brown, he'd obviously thought about this. When he finished the song, I couldn't help it, I'd begun to cry. "I love you too, Luke, more than I've ever loved anyone." He moved the guitar out of the way, and leaned over to kiss my tears. "Hey, hey, don't cry. I'm in love with you, baby. I hope one day you can realize why I love you so damn much." He surged forward to kiss me. He cupped my face in his hands and I put my hands on his hips, straddling him. "Love you," I whispered in between kisses. "Love you so much."

"Perfect," he murmured. "Off." I demanded, pulling his shirt off. 

"Ooh, confident today, aren't we?" he teased. He placed his hands on the back of my thighs to hold me steady. "This okay?" he asked. "Yeah, babe, you don't have to ask."

"I know, I just want to make sure you're comfortable, darling."

"I am, I am," I said impatiently as he fingered at the bottom of my shirt. I put my arms up, invitation for him to take it off completely. He flipped us over, one hand cupping my neck, one hand just below my butt. 

"God, I love you, Kate, love you so, so fucking much."

"I love you too, Luke, I'm in love with you, babe."

Suddenly, I heard the curtain of my bunk open. 

"Holy fuck!" shouted a third voice, a distraction from the declarations of love. It was Louis.


	9. Explaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis saw Kate and Luke hooking up. Will he keep it to himself or not?  
> Also Louis is whipped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read it please now right now

      "Lou, mate, look..." Luke trailed off. "Nah bro, I pretty much figured. Haz told me to come in here because Ashton's been wondering where you were. Figured he's the reason you've been hiding."

"Yeah, pretty much, Louis. Please don't tell the other guys, not yet," I pleaded with him. 

"I won't," Louis promised. "I mean, except Harry, obviously I've got to tell Harry, but like, yeah, nobody else."

"Thanks mate, it means a lot to us," Luke said. "I'd like for Ash not to kill me before I have a chance to enjoy this one," Luke said, unwrapping his arms around me to hand me my shirt and kiss me. "Thanks, babe!" I said.

"Ugh, you guys are disgustingly cute, I see what the lads are always complaining about with me and Harry."

I flipped him off while I kissed Luke softly.

 

"Boo?" We all looked up to see Harry opening the doors. He came down the hall and stands behind louis, wrapping his arms around him and kissing his temple. "Oh hey, Kate, Luke. So I see this is where you've been running off to? I hope we haven't interrupted anything, but Ashton was wondering where you two were, so I suggest you get clothed and then either get your stories straight or tell him."

I looked at Luke. "What do you think, love?" he asked. "I mean, I don't want him to, like, murder me, but it's getting harder and harder to hide."

"It might not be my place," Louis chimed in, "but as someone who does hide his relationship, it gets harder the longer you keep it a secret."

"Lou, let's let them decide, yeah? We'll leave you alone, guys."

"Hey, thanks, guys," I said. As they left, I looked to Luke. "Look, I think the longer we let this go on, the more trouble we'll get into. I love you, and you're Ashton's best friend, I'm sure he'll react fine."

"Yeah, like, I mean, we can get through it, we just have to be honest with him."

"Okay, we can tell him tomorrow. You should get down now, in case someone comes in," I sigh. As Luke climbs down, I let my head hang out. "Hey," I say as he heads over to his bunk. "I love you. Come kiss me goodnight."

He stands up and cups my chin in his hands. He kissed me softly. I push for more, deepening the kiss. I put my hands around his neck, pulling him in. "I love you," he whispers, breaking the kiss and leaning our foreheads together. "Love you too. Kiss me once more, then get on to bed." He does, leaning in, kissing me sweetly once more. Then, reluctantly, we pull away and look up, prepared to go to sleep. 

"What. The fuck. Was that."

Ashton stood in the hallway, shocked. He'd seen the whole exchange.


	10. Just Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton definitely saw them kiss... How will her react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :)

"Ashton!" I cried out. "Ash, please don't be angry. _Please."_

_"_ Ash, mate, look--" Luke began.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, when we get to the hotel and we can talk in private," Ashton interrupted firmly.

"O-okay," I stuttered. "Goodnight, I guess." I shut my eyes and willed myself not to cry. I couldn't sleep all night. I opened my curtain to look around. I saw Michael and Calum sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of the days events. I saw Louis and Harry tangled into each other, perfectly intwined. I saw Ashton, curled into a ball, clearly stressed even asleep. I closed my curtain. I never meant to hurt Ashton. He'd given me everything. I loved him, and I did understand why he was worried. Luke was older, but only by a couple years. It was sweet that Ashton inexplicably cared for me, but I hoped he'd understand that I loved Luke and he loved me, and I hoped he knew that Luke had good intentions. I was broken out of my thought train when my phone buzzed.

Lukey <3: Stop spying on everyone, go to sleep, love. 

I texted him back a goodnight I love you, then tried to sleep.

*** 

"Hey, wake up, Kate, Katie-Kat, wake up, love, we're at the hotel," I recognize Ashton's voice, he's the only person who I allow to call me Katie-Kat. "I'm up, I'm up. Wait-- aren't you angry with me?"

"No, love, I could never stay angry with you. We just have to talk, is all," Ash says. I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Oh my god, Ash, thank you so much. I was worried sick, I love you and I'd never hurt you on purpose, I swear," I said. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him as much as I could from where I was still lying on my top bunk. "We still need to talk about this, though," Ashton warned me. "Yeah, of course, just let me get dressed and stuff and we can go in."

When we checked into the hotel, Luke took my hand and lead me to our room. "Hey there," I said as he leaned down to kiss me. I put my arms around his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist. "I missed you this morning," he says before kissing me again. I kissed him hungrily. "Bed," I said, too wrapped up in the blond boy with a lipring and skinny jeans, who had by some miracle fallen in love with me. He carried me over to the bed and laid my down. I pulled at his shirt, he lifted it off. He tangled his fingers in his hair, he put his other hand on my hip, working its way down and working at my waistband. He kissed me deeper and rutted our hips together. 

Suddenly, we heard a knock at the door. We shot up. "Hey, Luke, Kate, let's talk about this!" 

Crap. I'd gotten so caught up in Luke that I'd forgotten Ashton was coming.

"Yeah, em, uh, one sec Ash! Be right there!" I did my best to sound innocent as I pulled my zipper back up and fixed my hair. I handed Luke his shirt and ran to open the door for Ashton. "Hey, bro," Luke called from the bed. "Yeah, hey. Look, I don't want to know what you two were just up to--" I exchanged glanced with Luke, who was biting his lip sheepishly. Ashton saw this and just kind of facepalmed. 

"Look," he began again. "I love you both, and I know I seemed judgmental, but I'm happy if you are, really. Just, like, know what you're getting into, yeah?"

"Yeah, mate, we know... look, I love her. I'm  _in_ love with her, and I'd never hurt her. I know you think I'm going to hurt her, but I'm not, truly. I'd never do anything to upset her or hurt her in the slightest, I promise, lad."

I couldn't help burying my head in Luke's shoulder after that monologue. "And you Kate? What about you?" Ashton asked. "Yeah, I mean, what Luke said. I love him, and I want this to work out."

"Well, as long as you both know what you're getting into..." Ash trailed off. 

"Thank you so much, Ashton, thank you for understanding," I shot up and hugged him fiercely. "Yeah, mate, thanks." Luke comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting a kiss on the top of my head. "You two  _are_ shockingly cute together," Ashton concedes. "Should we, you know, tell the other guys?" he asks.

"Yeah, yeah we should. Do you wanna just do it now, get it over with?" I suggest.

"Yeah, sure babe, but brace yourselves for Cal and Mike's ridiculous and endless sex jokes," Luke warns me. 

"Ha! I've put up with them thus far, nothing I can't handle. C'mon, give me a piggy back?" I ask, making my best puppy dog face.

We went down the hall to where Calum and Michael were staying. Calum ended up answering to Luke flirting with me, our faces inches apart, and an uncomfortable looking Ashton. 

"Hey!" Calum shouted. "Mikey! Look who finally got together!"

"Aw, Luke, man, you finally nailed her! Congrats!" Michael said when he came to the door.

"Hey, bro, I didn't  _nail_ anybody, she's my girlfriend, not a random hookup," Luke said at the same time as Ashton let out a cry of "Whoa, whoa, whoa, nobody's nailing anybody, she's 14!"

Michael put his hands up in defense. "Hey, sorry, mates, sorry, Kate."

"Hey, no, it's fine, Mike, they're just being ridiculous," I assure him. 

"I'm just surprised Ash hasn't killed you yet, Luke. How'd you manage that one?" Calum says, incredulous. 

"Just... just lucky, I suppose," Luke says, pulling me closer.


	11. Fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton is protective, Luke is annoyed with him.

   Everything was great. Luke and I still snuck around in public, but we didn't have to hide on the tour bus or in hotels. A few weeks later, Luke called a band meeting.  

 "Okay," Luke began. "So, like, I don't know how you want to handle this, Kate."

"What do you mean, babe?" I said, confused. What was I supposed to handle? "Just, like do you want to tell everyone, or keep to ourselves?" he explained. 

"We shouldn't lie, bro. Wouldn't want the fans to think we don't care," Michael interrupted. 

"Yeah," I agreed. "But, like, I'm not ready to be so outwardly dating you. I think I may get hate from that, you know?"

Luke looked up. He looked crushed.  "What? You mean you don't want to--"

"No, Luke, I mean of course I want to, but, you know, there's a million girls out there who want you. There are already people who hate me, but it's gonna grow if I'm dating their idol, you know?"

"No! There's always hate, we all deal with it. I love you, what could be so bad that you can't handle it for me? _With_ me?"

"Don't talk to her that way!" Ash blurted out. "She's fragile, Luke. Don't push her."

Michael and Calum got up, obviously sensing that Ashton knew something. "We'll leave you, it's not really our business anyway. Just, you know, do what you want, we're fine wither way," Mike explained.

"Aren't you going to go too, Ashton?" Luke asked pointedly.

"Not if you're going to speak to her like that."

"This is between me and my girlfriend. Look, I'm sorry I yelled, love."

"No, Luke, it's fine. I-- Ash, maybe you should go," I said.

Ashton looked up worried. "Are you going to be okay? You're scratching at your arms," he said, lowering his voice. "Please, just don't do anything dumb. I'll be right outside if you need me, okay?"

"Ashton, if you'd like to leave now. I'm not going to hurt her, I don't know why you think that. We just need to have a conversation by ourselves, okay? I don't know what you think is going to happen, but you aren't her father, okay? She can speak for herself and think for herself, you don't own her." _  
_

"Neither do you!" Ashton yelled angrily.

"No, you're right, I don't, but this actually concerns me,  _her boyfriend._ "

Ashton gave me one last hug, then left the room. 

"Look, I'm sorry I yelled," Luke said again. "I just love you, okay? I don't want to lose you, I don't want to hide you, I don't want you to be ashamed of me."

"I'm not, Luke, but I just got introduced as your new bandmate like two months ago. I'm not ready, and I need you to understand that."

"I do, love, come here," he said, pulling me in to an embrace. "I don't know what you're worried about, babe. People love you, you're charming. You're a role model to so many of those girls, you know that? And there's already a following of people who ship us. I think it'll be okay, really."

"I just don't want the drama."

"Is hiding going to be any less dramatic?"

I sighed. He was right. "I know, I know. How about this?" I had an idea. "I don't want to just announce it, but if we get asked about it, I won't deny it? Does that work for you?"

"Yeah, baby, yeah it does. Thank you, really," he said, kissing me. "I love you," he reminded me. 

"Yeah, yeah, shut up and kiss me," I demanded.

He obliged. We sat there, kissing for what could have been a mere second, or what could have been forever. I loved this boy more than anything, and he loved me so much that he wanted the world to know.

***

As it turned out, it didn't take long for someone to ask about Luke and I. It happened at a signing, a week or two later. We were sitting next to each other, Luke holding my hand under the table. The girl came up to us with her cd. "Hi, I'm you're biggest fan, I'm so glad to meet you. I'm seeing you tonight, I'm so excited! Congratulations on joining the band, Kate," she said, turning to me. "Thanks," I said sheepishly. I still wasn't used to people admiring me. "You shouldn't congratulate her, you should congratulate the rest of us for getting to perform with her," Luke said fondly. The girl laughed. "Well, congratulations to you, then Luke. You guys are dating, right?" she asked suddenly. I looked up at Luke, surprised. He looked back at me, questioning. I looked at him, then at her. "Yeah," I said. "Yeah, he's my boyfriend." 

*** 

After that, the questions kept coming. There were countless tweets and DM's to all of us. We answered the DM's honestly, saying yeah, Luke and I were in love. Some of the fans believed it, others thought they were edits, not real DM's, so everything was still speculation. The amount of people who shipped Luke and me together multiplied. The hate wasn't terrible, nothing I couldn't handle.

We had an interview later that day, but we had a few hours on the tour bus until we got there. Luke and I sat on Luke's bunk, him sitting, me on his lap. He sang softly in my ear while I read my book.  _Tried_ to read, at least. "Luke!" I squealed. "Stop that! I'm reading!" I jokingly swatted his hand away. "Why do you need to read when you could be kissing me?" He took my book and held it over his head. "Luuuuuke! Give it back!" I said as I got on my knees, straddling him to get my book. I hovered over him, he leaned back, taking me down with him. "Hey there," he said. "Hi," I responded, the book long forgotten as Luke cupped my chin and kissed me. I rested my elbows by his head, his hands steady on my hips. He let go to close the curtain, then pulled at the bottom of my shirt. I lifted my arms, allowing him to remove it. I went to work at his zipper while he kissed down my neck. I caught his lips again, pulling him in hungrily. "Off," I demanded, removing his shirt. He tangled one hand in my hair while the other wandered around my torso. "I love you," he whispered, then leaned down and kissed me languidly. I cupped my hands around his chin. 

"Oi! No hooking up on the bus! We thought Harry or Louis would've told you, sheesh!" We looked up, Niall had opened the curtain of Luke's bunk. 

"Hey, bro, cockblock much?" Luke groaned.

"Hey, what's going on in here?" We heard Ashton's voice from down the hall. "Shit!" I blurted out, burying my face in Luke's chest. 

"Hey, Niall, bro! What's--  _oh,"_ Ash said, taking in the image. He didn't exactly need to see me lying on top of Luke, both of us shirtless, his pants half undone. "Hey, we're almost, um, we're almost at the next stop, I suggest you get all this," he gestured his hands towards us, "sorted out."

"Yeah, we'll be down in a sec Ash," I said. "Yeah, bro, one sec," Luke said, closing the curtain.

"Keep it appropriate!" Ash called out. "Yeah, Luke, make sure Ashton doesn't have to kill you, mate," Niall joked.

"Well that effectively ruined the mood," I said, leaning in to kiss him once more. "Come on now, get dressed, babe." I handed him his shirt as he worked at his zipper. I got dressed then climbed out and went over to the mirror to fix my hair. "Hey," Calum said as he entered. "What's going on? Ash looks pretty shaken." 

"It's nothing," Luke said. "He's just, you know, getting all Ashton-y."

"Really," Calum laughed skeptically. "It has nothing to do with Kate's sex hair or you being half dressed. Okay then."

"Is he okay?" I asked, worried. Luke sighed. "I'm sure he's fine, love. He just gets flustered every time he realizes you aren't that little girl he met all those months ago and you're going to do what you want."

"Luke..." I trail off.

"No, look, you shouldn't have to get all worried every time Ash sees you kiss your boyfriend." 

"Luke! Try to be more sensitive, okay? Ashton's just trying to protect me, ok? This is just him caring about me, okay?" 

"Well what about me, Kate? He doesn't think I can protect you?"

"Look, I don't know what Ashton's thinking or why he reacts the way he does. Nothing he has to say will change us, ok? Nothing he has to say can change how I feel about you, but I should go after him nonetheless. Are you okay if I do?"

"Yeah," Luke sighed. "Yeah, love. Hate how you're always right."

"You love me and you know it, now come give me a kiss before I go talk to him."

Luke climbs down reluctantly and holds me close. "Look, I know I can seem insensitive at times, baby, but it's only because I love you so, so, much. You're one of the strongest people I know, I wish you could see that, I wish  _he_ could see that."

I looked up at him and kissed him. "I know, now I better go after him."

Luke stretched his arm out as I walked away. "Love you!" He shouted.

***

When I got to Ashton, he was sitting on the floor by himself. "Hey," I said, leaning into his side. He shifted and put his arms around me. "Look, I know I have no reason to be upset. I know Luke is your boyfriend and that's normal stuff to be doing, I just worry that he'll hurt you. And I know he won't. I know he loves you as much as I do, maybe even more than I do. It's just... Is he pressuring you?" Ash blurted out.

"No! Ashton, is that why you're worried? That's ridiculous. Luke's been nothing but respectful towards me. Try to be okay with this, please," I plead. 

"I'm trying, Katie, I promise. Hey, are you... you know, how have you been?" Ash asked.

"I'm fine, really. I haven't relapsed since the day before I met you, okay? You don't need to worry about me."

"You're so, so strong. Come on, let's go inside," he said, taking my hand. 

***

The interview went smoothly, pretty much the same as always. And, same as always, the interviewer asked the classic question. "So, give me the dirt," she began. "Come on, who's single, who's not?"

"I'm single," Ash said.

"I'm single," Michael said.

"I'm single," Calum said.

"And you Luke? Kate?"

Luke looked at me. I nodded.

"Actually, I've got a girlfriend," Luke said. "Oh!" The interviewer said. "You heard it here first. Luke Hemmings is officially off the market!" Luke grinned. "So," she asked. "Who's the lucky girl?"

He took my hand. "Her."

***


	12. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People are mean via twitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! Sorry if it's triggering.

"Her."

It echoed in my head, hours later. The interview had been live, so twitter had blown up. When we got back to the hotel, Luke went to the gym while I stayed in the room. I opened up twitter. 

There were the nice tweets:

@Luke5SOS: So happy to finally go public with my love :)

@Ashton5SOS: Congrats @Kate5SOS @Luke5SOS !

@love5sos: Happy for Luke and Kate! Totally called it!

@hemmolove: Didn't expect it, but happy for them nonetheless :)

There were the tasteless ones:

@Calum5SOS: Now that they're public can @Kate5SOS and @Luke5SOS please keep it in their pants?

@Michael5SOS: @Luke5SOS has been away from his girl for like 5 minutes and he's already like a lovesick puppy oh god

Then, I saw one. @ILOVELUKEY: Can't believe Luke's taken. She doesn't deserve him. smh. #wehatekate

I gasped. I couldn't believe someone posted that, but not because it was unexpected. It was true, everything about it confirmed my deepest fears. I clicked #wehatekate. The tweets loaded, there were hundreds. Thousands, even. 

@lukefuckme: She so doesn't deserve him. I can't believe she's even in the band #wehatekate

@cliffordhemmo: she isn't even talented, that bitch doesn't deserve to be in the band and doesn't deserve his heart #wehatekate

@5saucehemms: obviously he doesn't love her he's probably just with her bc he knows no one else will love her #wehatekate

The list went on and on. I sat on the bed, breaking down slowly. "It's true, it's all true," I repeated. I got up and ran to the bathroom, looking for a razor. I found one, then sat down on the floor. Taking my bracelets off one by one, I let out a sharp sob. _Stop crying, stop crying,_ I willed myself. I lifted the blade to my arm and pressed down. One for Luke, for making him think he loved me. One for Ash, on for making him car about me. One for Calum, one for Michael, for making them put up with me all these months. One for all the people whom I'd disappointed with my worthlessness. I let out another sharp sob.

"Babe?" I heard the door open as I pressed the blade to my skin once again. "I'm back, love, where are you?" He walked around the room, then noticed the bathroom door open and light on. "Hey, sweetie, what's up? What are you..." he trailed off as he saw my arms. He fell to his knees and grabbed my arms. "Baby love, what is this? What are these.. why? Why did you do this?"

I shoved my phone at him. "Love, you can't look at this. They're just jealous, alright? They don't know you. You shouldn't look at this, really. I just...how long have you been doing this? How didn't I notice?"

"I haven't done it since the day before I met Ashton the first time, I promise. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm so, so sorry I've hurt you Luke. I just love you so much, and when I saw that... those tweets confirmed my deepest fears, Luke. Look, I understand if you don't want to stay here with m--'

"Shut up, Kate. Stop saying that. Every time you say those self-depricating comments, it kills me more and more. I don't understand why you can't see yourself clearly, like I see you. Let's get you cleaned up, love, then we can get into bed and discuss this, alright?" 

I nodded, wiping away my tears and noticing his eyes watering. 

"Thank you for not hating me," I said as I settled in Luke's arms.

"I would never," Luke responded seriously. "Just because you did this, it doesn't mean I love you any less. It doesn't mean you're any less strong. It doesn't make you any less flawless. I just can't believe you had to do this all alone."

"I was alone, but I'm not anymore, okay? I have you, and Ashton's known since the day I met him."

I felt Luke stiffen beside me. "Ashton knew?"

"Luke, please don't be angry, alright? Look, I'm sorry he knew before you, I just--"

Luke softened. He leaned over and kissed my temple as he got out of bed. "Kate. _Darling._ I'm not pissed at you, everything is not your fault, okay? I just have to talk to Ashton." He left the room, he was temporarily calmed but angry again. I jumped out of bed and raced down the hall, following Luke's lead. He pounded on Ashton's door. "Ashton! Ashton, open the fucking door! ASHTON!" he shouted until the door opened. "Hey, bro, what's up?"

"Don't  _bro_ me. You knew, and you didn't tell me?"

"Knew what?" Ashton looked confused. "Oh my god, Kate. Are those new? Love, what happened?" he said, noticing me standing there. He made his way over to me, then turned to Luke. "You. Did you do this?" he demanded.

"No!" I shouted. At the same time, Luke's tone turned bitter. "Me? You're the one who knew all these months, and didn't feel like maybe me,  _her boyfriend,_ should know? You didn't think I needed to be there for the girl I love? I could have done something," Luke's voice softened, anger replaced by pure defeat. He sank to his knees. "I could have saved her, mate. How could you not know?"

"I'm sorry I accused you of hurting her, lad. And I'm sorry I couldn't tell you, really."

"It's my fault he didn't tell you," I interrupted. "I'm sorry Luke, I begged him not to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you."

"No, babe, don't apologize for anything. Come on, let's get to bed, okay, love?" He came over and lifted my chin out of my knees. He kissed me on the forehead, then wrapped his arms around my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist as he lifted me up and carried me down the hall, back to our room. When we got back, he laid me down on the bed. "I'm sorry I yelled," he said, lying beside me, intertwining our fingers.

"It's fine, babe. Really, you don't need to apologize, I get it. I'm sorry I made you angry."

"No, don't apologize to me for anything. I'm so in love with you, you know?"

"I know. I don't understand, but I know. I love you too."

Luke kissed me lovingly. "I hope you can see yourself clearly, baby, someday. I don't know what made you feel like you  _ever_ needed to hurt yourself," he said, kissing each of my scars, new and old. I winced as he kissed a new one. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to cause you pain."

"Don't worry!" I tried to assure him.

"Let me go get bandages or something..." he pleaded.

"No, please just stay here with me?" I asked. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in close, resting his chin atop my head. "Always," he whispered, placing a kiss on my forehead. I rested a kiss on his bare chest and drifted off to sleep.


	13. Defense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys are dead-set on defending Kate to the public

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoyyyyyyyy

I woke up to Luke, rummaging in his bag. "Hey, what's up? What are you looking for?" I asked him, curious. "Morning, love. Didn't mean to wake you, I was just looking for bandages, since you wouldn't let me get any last night. "Bandages?  _Oh,"_ I said, remembering the events of last night. "Look, I'm really sorry, okay? It was a really shitty way for you to find out, it was a really shitty thing for you to have to know at all," I explain. "I understand if you don't, you know, want to stay here with me anymore."

Luke leaned forward, tears in his eyes. "Please, stop apologizing. I know it's not your fault. And please,  _please_ stop telling me to leave you. I don't know how I can convince you that I'm so, hopelessly, irrevocably in love with you. I'd be lost without you, love."

"You shouldn't depend on me, Luke. I'm broken, I let people down, I cause drama. It's not even worth it..."

Luke stiffened. "Do you not love me? Is that what this is about? Is this your way of breaking up with me?" 

"No! Luke, I'm in this as long as you are. It's selfish of me, but I want every second before you realize you're better of without me. I love you, I'm so in love with you it hurts. I'm just... I'm just apologizing for hurting you," I explained.

He leaned forward and kissed me. Slowly, at first, then deeper and deeper. "It breaks my heart to hear you talk about yourself that way. I'm not leaving, I hope you'll see that it's me who doesn't deserve you," he whispered, breaking the kiss. "We should get dressed, I don't want to be late." I nodded. I went over to my suitcase, rummaging for clothes. "Here," Luke said, handing me one of his flannel shirts. "Wear this? For me? It has long sleeves, you know," he explained. It was big enough that I pulled it over my head, then threw on jeans and a pair of floral booties. I went to the mirror to put on my makeup and fix my hair. "You look beautiful, as always, love." Luke came up behind me and grabbed my hand, pulling me out the door. 

"Hey, what happened last night?" Calum asked as we got on the bus. "Yeah," Michael chimed in. "We heard shouting."

"It's fine, bro. Just, ehm, a misunderstanding."

"Okay. Hey, Kate, are you okay?" Michael asked. I looked up, shocked. Had he found out about my cutting? "We saw some of the tweets, it got pretty nasty," Calum added. I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Yeah, I'm fine, I mean I expected some backlash," I responded as I sat down next to Ashton on his bunk. He put his arm around me and I leaned into him. "You okay?" he asked quietly. "I'm fine, really Ash. I just slipped up, is all." Luke came over and sat beside me, pulling in close and kissing me. I slipped a hand up to his neck, deepening the kiss, forgetting that we were on a bus with the rest of the band and the 1D boys would be joining us soon. "Woah, mate!  _No hooking up on the bus,_ " we heard Liam say firmly. I broke the kiss and threw my head back, laughing. I saw Liam entering the bunk area of the bus, the other boys in tow. "Soz, mates," Luke apologized. "Couldn't help myself," he said as he stroked my cheek.

"More like you couldn't handle Kate and Ash having a moment," Michael teased, rolling his eyes. "No!" Luke says defensively. "It's fine, Luke, really. It's sweet." I leaned in to kiss him again. "Guys,  _no._ They're worse than you two," Zayn said, turning to Harry and Louis where they sat on their bunk, too wrapped in each other to engage in the conversation. Louis looked up. "We were never that soppy!" Louis tried to argue. "Lads, you were worse. You  _are_ worse," Niall countered. 

"Don't argue him, babe, you know he's right. We're way worse," Harry stops his boyfriend from getting into an argument with Niall. By now Luke had stopped paying attention. He had begun to kiss up my neck. "Love you," he whispered when he got to my ears. "And we're way worse than them."

I twisted my head and met his lips. He pulled me in deeper. "Ugh, I give up. Do whatever you want, just not on my bed, please," Ashton groaned.

Luke took my hand and we went to go sit on his bed. I grabbed my phone and opened up twitter. "Hey, don't do that, alright? It's not good for you," Luke said, taking my phone from me. "We'll get it sorted out, but until then you shouldn't check twitter, ok?"

"Luke, how are you going to put down thousands of people who hate me? It's okay, I can deal with it, really."

"I don't want to risk anything," he urged, eyes full of meaning. 

Calum looked over. "Kate, you know we're going to defend you!" he said as if it should have been obvious. "Yeah, of course we will! We already have," Michael assured me. "At least, I have." 

"You-- you did?" I asked, non-believing.

"Yeah, babe, of course. Here," Luke said, handing me my phone. 

I opened the app and went to Luke's account. I clicked the latest tweet, opening conversation.

@Sarahemmings: She doesn't deserve to be in the band and she doesn't deserve Luke #wehatekate

@Luke5SOS: @sarahemmings that tag is disgusting, she deserves everything she has and it's me who doesn't deserve her

@Ashton5SOS: @sarahemmings please stop, the only thing she doesn't deserve is your hate

@lovehemmo: So now you're calling out the band's fans for that bitch? @Luke5SOS #wehatekate

@Calum5SOS: @lovehemmo kate's a part of the band too you're not a fan of the band if you're hating on her

@Michael5SOS: @lovehemmo don't call her that, and don't call yourself a fan

"Thank you guys, you didn't have to do that."

"We did, Katie. You're a part of this band. We stick together, and we defend each other," Michael said firmly.

I buried my head in Luke's neck. "Thank you," I said quietly. "All of you, really," I turned to them. "Hey, don't apologize, we'd all do it for any of the others. Come on, we're at the interview, okay?" Ashton kneeled beside me. When I looked out the window, there were hundreds of screaming girls outside. "Come on, sexy," Luke whispered before kissing me once more. The other boys filed off the bus. "You ready to face 'em?" Luke asked once we were alone. "Yeah, I'm ready," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him as hard as I could. "Hey, don't get me all worked up right now, baby," Luke pleaded, his face inches from mine, breathing heavily. "I won't!" I assured him. Then, whispering softly, right in his ear, "Just wait until later, baby, I'll take care of you later."

He threw his head back. "You'll be the death of me, Kate. Let's go, okay?" He said, taking my hand in his and squeezing. He led me out of the bus, into the crowd.

 

I looked around. There were people holding signs with my name. Shouting  _my_ name. There were a whole group of them. 

"Kate! Kate sign this!"

"Over here!"

"I love you Kate! Luke's so lucky to have you!" 

Luke looked at me, placing an arm around my waist and pulling me close. "Let's go over there, yeah, love?" He lead me over to the girl who had screamed that last comment.

"Hi, love! What's your name?" Luke asked her. "Hi Kate! Hi Luke! I'm Julia. You guys are sooooo cute together! I'm such a big fan, could you sign this for me?" She held out her poster.

"Of course," I laughed. "It's so great to meet you. I can't tell you how much your support means to me," I said earnestly. I felt Luke's lips suddenly on my cheek. "You're so sweet," he murmured. "So, so good." I buried my face in his chest. 

"He's right," Julia said. "You're my role model. Well, I won't keep you. It was so, so nice to meet you. Both of you. Good luck!" she said.

"See, love? I told you, you don't see yourself clearly. That girl, she's the type of fan you need to be looking at. You need to listen to girls like her, not the mean ones, babe. They're just jealous."

"Luke! Luke, over here!" we heard a group of girls call. "Luke, babe, they're calling you, let's go over there, yeah?" I took his hand and led him to the group of girls. 

"Hi, loves!" Luke said cheerfully. He reached out to sign their things. "Kate! Will you sign it too?" they asked. I looked away from Luke, shocked that someone wanted me. I reached out, signing as many people's stuff as I could. "Kate! Kate, I love you!" I heard a voice call out. I looked across the crowd, walking over to the girl who called out to me. I tried to let go of Luke's hand, but he just grabbed it back. "Not letting you go," he whispered, before pulling me in to kiss me. We heard an "Awwww," from the fans, which just egged Luke on, causing him to kiss me deeper. I broke the kiss, going over to the girl, consequently him behind me. 

"Hey, babe!" I said. "Oh my god, you're talking to me. I'm your biggest fan, i like totally love you. Can I... can I have a hug?" she asked. "Of course!" I laughed, leaning in to hug her. It was awkward, Luke still wouldn't let go of my hand. "Aw, you two are adorable," she said as I let go. "We have to go in, babe, but it's always nice to meet people who love her half as much as I do," Luke said.  We really had to go into the interview now. I wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning on him as we walked. He waved to people as he walked in, but I was too wrapped up in him to look around. "Hey, you go in," Luke said suddenly. "I'll catch up in a second."


	14. The Video

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate sees a video

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks :) The Billboards were tonight and I'm so sad because MICHAELS HAIR OH MY GOD

I took a seat next in between Ash and Michael on the couch. "Hey, where's Luke?" Calum asked, leaning over Ashton to ask me. "I don't know, Cal, he told me to go ahead and he'd catch up. He probably just wanted to sign a few more autographs or something."

"We're running late," the interviewer said. "We better start, he can just come in the middle."

Luke came in about five minutes into the interview. "Hey, sorry I'm late, I got a bit lost," he said as he came into the room. Weird, it was a pretty straightforward hallway, I wouldn't expect him to get lost so easily.

"Move," he demanded of Michael, rather rudely. "Bro, just sit over there. You can handle like 15 minutes not glued to your girlfriends' side," Michael said.

"I don't think he can," Calum teased. "He's all over her every second of the day," he said, turning to the interviewer. "We've all walked in on them making out at least once."

"Heyyy," Luke said, reaching his arm behind Mikey to rub my back. "I  _can!"_ He grinned smugly _. "_ I just choose not to," he added.

'"Dude, just switch seats with me, you're feeling her up as we speak," Michael gave in, disgusted. Luke got up and moved next to me. "You," he whispered slowly, seductively. "You look so fucking sexy in my shirt." I looked down, trying to control myself as we were still in an interview. I tangled my hand in his as I diverted my attention to Michael talking about the album. "So," the interviewer turned to face Luke and I. "You two are together, I know. How did that happen?" Luke looked at me. "We had gotten to know each other pretty well, and one day I just realized, you know, I felt differently about her than any of the guys."

"So was there lots of drama surrounding your relationship?" she asked.

"Not really," I answered, hoping I'd be convincing. 

"Not really?" Calum mocked. "Luke was pining over her for months before he told her. He's been in love with Kate since day one."

"Oh, in love? That's sweet. So, Luke, you made the first move?"

"Yeah, yeah I did. It was a bit awkward, she kind of forced it out of me."

"I had to! I thought he hated me," I explained. "It all turned out fine though," I said facing him. "Wonderful, in fact."

"Okayyy, if we're quite finished with the love-fest, guys," Ashton reminded us that we were still in an interview.

"How about the rest of you?" Girlfriends?" the interviewer continued on with her questions.

***

I jumped on Luke's back, demanding that he carry me up to the room. "Hi there," he said, when we entered the room. He sat me down on the bed, then turned around to kiss me. He had an arm on either side of me, holding himself up, hovering over me. I"m gonna go shower," he said, but made no motions to get up. "Yeah, babe, you're going to have to get off of me to do that," I joked. He sighed. "You sure? I guess I'd rather just stay here forever, admiring my  _beautiful_ girlfriend." He said sweetly, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek, then the nose, the forehead, my other cheek. "Go, baby, shower. You can handle 15 minutes away from me. I believe in you," I tease. I leaned in to kiss him on the mouth. "Go," I demanded. "Alright, alright, your wish is my demand!" He scampered off to the bathroom, blowing me a kiss sillily before closing the door. "I'll miss you!" he shouted.  I didn't think things could get any better. I sat up, grabbing my laptop and scrolling through my twitter mentions.

@Julialovey22: Met @Kate5SOS today! She's totally sweet, and Luke was like so in love with her! #KUKEFOREVER

So, they'd deemed us "Kuke," I gathered. I clicked on the tag.

@Tessclifford5sos: @Kate5SOS what do you think of what luke did? #KUKEFOREVER

What Luke did? I scrolled down, confused.

@KukeUpdates: @Luke5SOS being the perfect boyfriend and defending @Kate5SOS ! AWWW #KUKEFOREVER

I clicked on the account.  They had tweeted me and Luke their support even before we went public, I noticed. I followed them, then looked around to see if they had tweeted any more about Luke "defending" me. I literally had no clue what they were talking about. Then, I saw that they had posted a link to a video. I clicked.

I recognized the crowds and building from earlier. The camera zoomed on on Luke, kissing me and pulling me in. "Luke! Luke over here!" someone called. "Luke I love you! Luke! Lukeyy! Hey, Luke!" the shouts were coming. I wondered how I didn't hear them before. "Hey Luke!" I heard one shout. "Luke! I'll blow you after the show if you sign this! Luke!"

Then I saw Luke whisper sweetly to me. I saw myself go ahead. What I hadn't noticed earlier was him watching me as I walked away, holding his hand out. I also hadn't seen him turn around to face the girl who'd shouted about sucking him off. He walked over to her. "Luke, oh my god, hiii," the girl said excitedly. "Did you hear my offer?" She batted her eyelashes. Trashy. "Yeah," Luke responded nervously. "Yeah, and I've got a girlfriend. It's disrespectful of you to shout that kind of stuff around her."

"So you're saying I should wait until she's gone?"

"You shouldn't say that at all, but particularly not when Kate's around."

"Who cares? I can do it better than her! You should date me instead!"

"I care! I love her, more than anything in the world. You should go," Luke snapped. "And please, don't call yourself a fan if you're going to hate on the most talented, good-hearted, beautiful member of this band."

The girl scoffed, then ran off, near tears. The video shut off. 

"Hey, babe, is someone in here?" Luke asked, coming out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist. He saw my laptop, what I'd been watching. "Oh," he said, hanging his head. "Yeah," I responded flatly. "Look, I'm really sorry, Kate. I just get so angry when people are like that, blatantly disrespecting you to my face. I just... I just wanted to make it clear that no matter what they say, I'll still be in love with you. I wanted her to know that saying dumb shit like that won't make me love you any less."

"It's alright, Luke, really," I said. He let out a sigh of relief, then went to his bag to pull out clothes. He stepped into his briefs, then let the towel drop around his ankles. "But," I continued. He paused as he was pulling on a pair of sweatpants, his head shooting up. "I just don't think you need to defend me. What they're saying, it's bad, but it isn't anything I haven't heard or thought before. You'll get bad press if this keeps on, I don't want you to get a bad reputation because of me."

"Baby," he said, rushing to sit beside me. He looked so vulnerable, his face overflowing with worry, his lipring out, clad only in sweatpants. "Baby, when will you realize that you don't deserve the hate? I'd defend you to the death. I don't care what people think about me, I only care about you." I looked down. I didn't understand why he was saying this. What the girl said, what all of them said, it was only the truth. That girl probably couldn't love Luke more than I loved him, but at least Luke wouldn't have to date someone like me, and insecure, worthless loser with no talent or worth. "Hey, look at me," Luke urged. He lifted my chin with a single finger. "I know you, okay? I know you're about to tell me that you're okay and I don't need to coddle you. But I also know you're really thinking that I might be better off with that girl. I know you're feeling bad that she was crying. I know you're thinking that you deserve all of this hate, but no love." I looked away. Tears were flowing freely down Luke's face. I didn't want him to see me crying. I hung my head as the tears pushed out. I ran my fingers over my scars. "Love, do you know how I know all of that?" Luke asked. When I didn't respond, he began to speak once more. "It's because I'm in love with you. That's why I know you inside and out. I love you so much, Katie." He took my hands in his. "You're so wonderful. Only a saint would feel sorry because the her boyfriend snapped at a girl trying to sleep with him. You have a heart of gold. You're the most talented person I've ever known, and I've never been so fucking passionately in love with someone. You're smart, kind, sexy, funny, beautiful, and just all-around fucking amazing. But if you can't see that? You're blind."

I let out a sob as I buried my face in his neck. He lifted my head up, wiping my tears with his thumb. "I've never told you how fucking wonderful you are?" I asked him. "I love you so, so much," I whispered. He rested his forehead on mine. "You have no idea," he challenged, "what I'm feeling for you."

I straddled him, holding both of our hands together. "I think I do," I responded as I kissed up his neck. "I love you _more,"_ I whispered in my sultriest voice, right up against his ear. He laid down fully on the bed, pulling me with him. "Don't open that door," he smiled, flipping us over so he was on top. "That's an argument you'll never win, love."

"Is that so?" I challenged him.

"And it's never changing," he assured me.

"I'll fight you later. Now kiss me," I demanded. He sunk down and smiled into the kiss. I let go of his hands and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Love you," he breathed, then came back in for more. He let his legs tangle between mine. We shifted so we were lying on our sides, facing each other. He put his hands by my waist, his fingers occasionally dipping beneath my jeans. I kept a hand on his neck, letting the other fall to his waist. I pulled at his sweatpants. He shoved his legs out quickly. He moved his hands to the hem of my shirt. I nodded, giving him permission to take it off. He worked at my bra hooks then, getting that off quickly. I breathed in sharply. This was further than we'd ever gotten, but I was ready. he rutted his hips against mine, I rolled us over so I was on top. He let a hand glide up my back, over my chest, then around my neck. He reached for my zipper, then stopped. "Are you sure you're ready?" he asked. "Yeah," I smiled as I assured him. "I love you, I trust you. I'm ready." He smiled and went back to kiss me. And god, I loved his smile. He resumed working at my pants, I kicked them off once he had them unbuttoned. I kissed him, deeply, then let my hand drop to the waistband of his briefs. His hands paused where they'd been stroking the back of my thighs as he breathed in deeply, letting out a groan. He flipped us over, then rolled off me. "Let me find a condom, yeah?"

"So you just travel with condoms, then?" I teased.

"Never know when your girlfriend is going to decide then and there that she can't wait another minute," he joked. He went back to rummaging through his bag. "Hey, love, I don't have any," he said apologetically. "It's fine, we can grab some from Harry... Shit! Harry! I'm supposed to meet him for yoga in like 10 minutes!" I jumped out of bed. "Sorry, baby, I'm so sorry."

"No, love, it's fine. It gives me time to make your first time special," Luke assured me. I leaned into him. "Everything seems special when I'm with you," I whispered. "Okay, cheeseball," he teased. "Go get dressed, I can't have you meeting another guy in only your underwear."

"Don't worry, Lukey, I've only slept with Harry like once," I retorted. I pulled on a sports bra and yoga pants. "Can I borrow this?" I asked, pulling the tank top Luke had been wearing earlier off the floor. "Of course, love, what's mine is yours," he smiled like it was a joke, but I could tell he. I put it on, then found myself trapped my Luke against the wall. "Have I told you how utterly  _sexy_ you are when you wear my clothes?" he asked in a low, raspy voice. "Only once or twice," I respond, pulling him into a languid kiss. He deepened it, knotting his hands in my hair as we both forgot the world. We were interrupted by a knock. "Who...?" I looked up to Luke for answers. "It's harry, love, remember? Yoga?"

"Right," I laugh. Can you let him in? I've got to fix my hair."

"Course, love." He opened the door. "Hey, mate! Hey Lou!" 

"Hey, sorry bro, did we interrupt something?" Louis asked as he lead Harry into the room. "No!" I insisted. "Oh really," Louis said, coming over to me. "Leave them be, Lou," Harry warns him. "Aw, Haz, I wasn't teasing, I was simply observing." I rolled my eyes. "Excuse me miss we-weren't-doing-anything, I was simply deducing from your sex hair, the clothes piled on the floor, and the fact that you're wearing Luke's shirt from earlier. That, and the fact that Luke's only wearing boxers and a hard-on, of course."

"Hey," I teased. "Eyes off my boyfriend."

"No worries, babe, no worries," Louis said, leaning into Harry. 

"Kate, we've got to go," Harry said as he checked his watch. 

"Luke, mate, you want to go grab food?" Louis asked, turning to Luke.

"Yeah, sure bro," Luke said. "Let me get dressed and I'll meet you in the lobby."

As Harry and I set off to the yoga class, I got a text from Luke.

Lukey <3: I forgot to kiss you goodbye:( I miss you

Me: I'll be back soon ;)

"Men," Harry said as he steps into the elevator. "So needy."

"Harry, you love men and you know it."

He just rolled his eyes as the elevator shut.

 


	15. Harry Gives The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry gives Kate the talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title was very self explanatory why did I have to write a summary and notes

"Hey, wanna take a walk?" Harry asked as we walked out of yoga. "Sure," I said. "Just let me text Luke and let him know I'll be in late." 

"That kind of brings me to my point. What happened earlier, I know we interrupted something between you and Luke. I'm really sorry. I just want to make sure you're being safe."

"Yeah, H, I mean we haven't  _done_ anything."

"You haven't? Kate, you can tell me, it's pointless to lie. We saw Luke's you know... situation."

"I'm not lying Harry! I mean yeah, we do stuff, but we haven't done  _that."_

"Okayyyy... but things have moved fast for you two, I've witnessed it. Do you know, like, how to be safe?"

"Yes, Harry, you don't have to lecture me. I took health in middle school."

"Kate, don't dismiss me. Are you, on birth control and stuff? Does Luke carry condoms? Just in case."

"Yeah, I'm on birth control, but Luke doesn't have any condoms."

"See, how would you know that if you weren't sleeping with him?"

"We aren't sleeping together!" I defend.

"Okay, okay!" Harry puts his hands up in surrender, letting it go. We walked in comfortable silence for a few seconds.

"We haven't done anything."  I said again. Harry looked at me, intrigued.

"Well why didn't you? Were you not ready?" Harry inquired. "Is Luke... Is he pressuring you, Kate? I know you love him but be honest with me, did Luke pressure yo--" 

"No!" I interrupted, seeing that Harry was preparing to go to the hotel and hit Luke if I said yes. "No, why do people keep asking me that?"

"I don't know, he's so much older than you..." Harry trailed off.

"Louis is two years older than you! Luke is 17 and I'll be 15 next week, it's practically the same."

"I know, that was a bad reason. Ashton asked me to check in on you, though."

"Hey, do me a favor and don't tell Ash unless he asks? He doesn't need to hear this, it'll just make him pissed at Luke."

"Deal. So, why _didn't_ you do it?" Harry asked.

"Like I said before, Luke couldn't find condoms. Then I remembered that I had to meet you so we got dressed and stuff."

"We?"

"I got dressed and stuff, Luke tried to delay the process."

"Ah, it all makes sense. Was he disappointed that you didn't do it?" Harry asked, thirsty for details.

"No, I mean maybe, but he was really sweet about it. He said it was okay because it meant he gets to make my first time special."

Harry cooed. "That's sweet."

"Yeah, so...." I got to the awkward part. "We can't exactly just go out and buy condoms without Ashton noticing. So, like..." I trailed off, nervous to ask.

"Yeah, I've got some," Harry said, catching my drift. "Let's go up to my room, I'll get them."

"Hey, babe!" Louis called as we entered the room. "Hey, Lou, sweetie. Kate's here, I've just got to lend her some stuff."

"Hey, L!" I shouted out. "Hey, K! Welcome!" He yelled over the TV.

Harry grabbed his bag and took it into the bathroom and turned on the light. "Let me look," he said quietly, so Louis wouldn't hear. I knew he'd tell him later, but I was thankful that I wouldn't have to be there when he found out. "They're in here somewhere... Here! Take all of them, Louis doesn't even wear them anymore."

"It's true!" Louis chimed in. He'd snuck up on us and was now standing in the doorway of the bathroom. "Didn't need to know that!" I said. Louis came over to me and Harry, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist as Harry put and arm around him. "Hey, don't get embarrassed. I'm just glad you're being safe," he said. "You know you can talk to us about this stuff."

I smiled and hugged them both. "You guys are gonna be great dads, you know that?" I said. They looked at each other and back at me. "Well, thanks for being good practice," Louis said. "Now, get on to bed," he said, kissing my forehead. "Have fun, kiddo." He ruffled my hair as I left the room, a blue bag with condoms safely in my hand.

"I'm back, baby!" I called to Luke as I entered the room.

"Hey!" He jumped from where he was seated on the bed and stood beside me. "What's this?" he asked, taking the bag from my hands and looking inside. "Oh," he said, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. "How'd you get 'em?"

"Harry started lecturing me about safe sex and he asked if I was on the pill and if you had condoms."

"So, like, you just asked?"

"Yeah, he was cool about it. Don't worry, I asked him not to tell Ash."

Luke breathed out a sigh of relief. 

"So, do you wanna..." I trailed off, eyeing the condoms.

"I said I was going to make it special, Kate!" Luke reminded me.

"Right, right, that. But what's more special than late at night with out best mates' condoms?" I teased.

"About any other situation," Luke retorted. "Actually, I had an idea." He sat down on the bed, and I laid down with my head in his lap. "So, like we have a few days off next week, right after your birthday. So I was thinking, you should come to Sydney with me. I know you've been, but like, that was for band time, and you stayed with Ash. There are so many things I want to show you and places I want to take you."

I looked up at him, taking his hand from where it was stroking my hair. "That sounds wonderful," I said. "I can't wait!"

"Yeah, you're birthday is the last night before we get off, so I figured we could just celebrate then," he says as he crawled under the sheets. I followed his lead, cuddling next to him.

"We don't have to do anything special, really," I told him, tracing my fingers around his chest. "I mean, it's not really that important."

"Not important?" he scoffed. "That day marks the day my sunshine, the most perfect being to walk this planet, the love of my life, was born." I giggled shyly into his neck, still uncomfortable with compliments. "Maybe it's not important to you, but it's important to me," he continues, "but I'll be celebrating and as my girlfriend, I would hope you'd support the things I love," he teased. I didn't think I'd be able to get enough of the word 'love' from Luke's mouth. "Love," I murmured into his neck. "Love," I whispered again, "hearing you say you love me."

"You'll never get away from it, believe me, I'll be here long after you're sick of me," he said.

"Me either," I said. "Way after you're sick of it."

"Sick of it? Of you? Never." He smile. "I love you," he said, smiling and pulling me into a kiss. We both smiled into it. He kissed me sweetly, languidly. "I love you," he said again, resting my head on a pillow. " I love you," he said, kissing me chastely once more. "I love you," he said, kissing my forehead sweetly. "I love you," he whispered in my ear as my eyes shut. "Sleep tight, baby love," he said. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin atop my head. "Luke?" I said. "Yeah, love," he responded groggily.

"I love you." 

I felt him smile, then he tightened his arms around me as we both drifted off to sleep.

 

 


	16. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke does cute birthday things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what are notes for like there is already a summary

I woke up to Luke peppering kisses all over my face the morning of my birthday, the last day before we were going to Sydney for a few days. "How is it possible," Luke began, "for someone to look as  _sexy_ as this as soon as they wake up?" 

"I don't know, that's  _your_ area of expertise," I responded.

"When." He kissed me. "Will." Kiss. "You." Kiss. "See yourself." Kiss. "Clearly."

I leaned in to kiss him deeper. "I do," I said. "You just have exceptionally low standards, lucky for me."

He pulled away and sat up, disturbed. "Don't joke like that."

"I'm sorry, babe, I didn't mean to upset you," I apologized, sitting on the edge of the bed with him.

"No love, don't apologize, that's exactly the issue."

"I don't follow..."

"You're apologizing to me, feeling bad all over again, when all I want is for you to stop speaking about yourself in such a low... such a self-depricating way, yeah? You look beautiful right now and always, okay? I'm not settling for you, I don't know why you think that. Now, say you're beautiful and you've earned all you have."

"What? Why, Luke?"

"Just do it?  _Please_?"

"You're ridiculous."

"Well, I'm not kissing you until you say it."

"Fine, what was it?"

"Repeat after me: I am beautiful and I deserve everything I have."

I sighed. "I'm beautiful and I deserve everything I have."

He leaned over until his forehead rested against mine. "Much better," he breathed, then cupped my cheek with his large hands and kissed me deeply, but sweetly. "I got you something," he said, standing up and walking to the closet.

"Ugh, I  _told_ you that you don't have to do anything. Come back and kiss me!" I demanded. He leaned over and kissed me chastely, then pulled a box out of the closet.

"This is one of many," he said as he handed it to me.

"You're ridiculous, babe. You really didn't need to--"

"I wanted to. Indulge me?" he asked.

I opened the box to see a rose-gold necklace with an "I Love You" pendant.

"Thank you," I said, looking up at him. "I love you too." I kissed him, then took the necklace out of the box. "Help me put it on?" I asked. "Of course, baby love. Let's get dressed, yeah?" he suggested.

I groaned. "NO. Clothes bad. Kissing good." I declared.

"I agree, sweetheart, but we're going to be late."

"I'm the birthday girl aren't you supposed to indulge me?" I pouted.

"I think it's in your best interests not to suffer Michael's jokes about us being late all the time, yeah?"

"Ugh, hate when you're right. Can I borrow this?" I asked, taking his muscle tee out of his bag.

"Of course, love. You don't have to ask, you know that."

He grabbed both of our bags, and the bag of presents out of the closet. I saw just how many there were. "Jesus  _Christ,_ Luke!" I shouted. "You're crazy, you seriously didn't have to do any of this."

"Well, I did."

We found the other boys in the lobby, checked out, and went out to the bus to go to the rehearsal venue. All of them gathered in the main room and sat me down on the couch, shoving cupcakes in my face. "Cupcakes! It's, like, 11 a.m.!" I exclaimed. "Never too early for sweets!" Zayn said. "A sweet for my sweet," Luke said handing me one. "Fucking sap," I told him as the other boys gagged.

"Luke, why'd you get pink cake?" Niall complained. "It's Kate's favorite," Harry defended, making it clear that he had something to do with it.

"Here," Louis said, handing me a box. "It's from Haz and me." I opened the box and pulled out a framed picture of all ten of us after my first concert with the band. "Aw, thanks guys!" I leaned over to hug them. Michael and Calum handed me a bag. "We went in on this together," Michael explained, Calum suppressing a laugh. I reached in and pulled out a white crew-neck sweatshirt. I read the simple print. It was one of  _those_ sweatshirts. One of the "Lol but ur not luke hemming" sweatshirts. I doubled over laughing, burying my face in Luke's neck. I could barely muster out a 'thank you' before being bombarded with gifts from Ash, Zayn, Liam, and Niall. Zayn gave me a new phone cases, Liam and Niall each gave me a few seasons of _Fr_ _iends_ on DVD, and Ash gave me a notebook. "For writing," he informed me. Luke got up and returned with an envelope a few minutes later. "Luke, seriously, I thought we were celebrating tomorrow, and you already gave me a present anyhow," I protested. "Shush, love, it's your birthday today, I'm going to give you gifts. Might as well get on with it."

"Fine," I grumbled when it became clear that he wouldn't take no for an answer. I opened the envelope and pulled out two tickets to the Sara Barielles concert. "She's playing in Paddington tomorrow, and I know you love her, so I couldn't let the opportunity go," Luke explained excitedly. "It's near Sydney," he added when he saw the confused look on my face, I obviously didn't know the geography of Australia.

"Thank you!" I said, kissing him slowly. "It may be your birthday, Katie, but the no hooking up on the bus rule still applies," Liam interrupted after Luke's hand dropped to my butt. "Sorry, sorry," I apologized. "Thanks, guys, all of you!" I thanked them again, then Niall suggested putting on a movie. Luke's hand reached for mine, and he pulled me on to his lap as soon as the movie began. He hooked his chin over my shoulder. "Love you," he whispered. "Love you too."

About ten minutes into the movie, he was kissing my neck, clearly bored. "Hey, I wanna show you something," he whispered when he saw he'd gotten my attention. I nodded and we both stood up. Luke took my hand and led me back to the bed area. "Luke, seriously," I said when I saw he was going back to the bag of gifts he'd left on his bed. "Please?" he pleads, taking something out of the bag. He handed me a paperback thesaurus. I looked at him, confused. "Just open it," he said. I opened it, saw that words had been highlighted. I looked at it, flipping pages quickly. He'd gone through the whole book, words highlighted, notes written. I looked down, reading some of them off the page. "They're all words that remind me of you," Luke said, sitting down next to me on the bed across from his. "See? Perfection," he read aloud. "(You)" the note he'd written next to it.

"I.. Luke... I love you so fucking much. You... I can't believe you did this. This is seriously the best gift I've ever gotten. This is like, the best gift anyone's ever gotten." I leaned into him as he folded his arms around me.

"Well, the best girl in the world deserves the best I could think of, yeah?" he said simply, as if that's all there was too it. I turned around to face him. I looked at him for a few seconds before surging forward to kiss him. Roughly, deeply, passionately. I pushed him so he was lying on his back, and pulled at the hem of his shirt.  Breathing heavily, he reached his long arm out to pull the curtain on the bed shut. Once the curtain shut, I pulled his shirt off. I hovered over him, smiling. He put one hand on the back of my thighs, and tangled the other in my hair, pulling me down into another passion-filled kiss. His fingers dipped underneath the waistband of my leggings. "Off?" I asked. "Off." I kicked them off. Luke flipped us so he was on top of me, one hand cupping the back of my head and one hand on my waist, my shirt pushed up. I put a hand on his neck, pulling him in, then working at his jeans. He got the hint and kicked them off. I wrapped both arms around his neck, his arms tight around my waist. We kissed urgently, legs intertwined. "I love you," he breathed out, like it was our own little secret. He pushed my (his) shirt off and we kissed again, for who knows how long. I couldn't believe I was here, on tour with eight close friends and my boyfriend. I couldn't believe I was kissing this perfect boy, and he was in love with me, as much as I loved him. And he loved me flaws and all, inexplicably. 

"Hey guys, we're almost--seriously, guys?" Calum's voice interrupted us. He came over and tore the curtain open. "On my bed?  _Really?"_ At least he was alone. "Sorry, Cal, really," I apologized. Luke grabbed a shirt and draped it over me, glaring at Calum. "Luke, mate chill out, I wasn't looking at your girlfriend, I, Kate, seriously... I didn't see anything! Look, I just came in to tell you that we're going to be there in like five minutes. Better get dressed, unless you want the rest of the guys to see you."

"It's fine, thanks, Cal! Sorry," I apologized again.

"I'm not," Luke said bluntly. "Go."

"Sorry, Cal, we'll be out in a mo'," I giggled into Luke's shoulder. "What's so funny?" he asked after Calum left, confused. "You." I kissed his nose. "Can't believe you glared, actually  _glared_ at him."

"He was looking at you! You're  _mine._ "

"I'm yours." I said quietly. "But he wasn't _looking_ babe, I was nearly naked on his bed."

"I guess you're right, but still," Luke grumbled. I handed him his clothes and we both got dressed. I put on the leggings I'd been wearing before, but wore a blue V-neck and a leather jacket on top. As we entered the main room, Michael threw the sweatshirt he and Calum had given me at us. "Kate, if you're wearing a jacket, wear this!" Calum suggested. I rolled my eyes. "Pleaaase?" Michael pleaded. "Kate, you owe me," Calum added. "Fine!" I conceded, throwing off the jacket and putting on the sweatshirt. "You guys are terrible," I laughed.

"Well, I like it!" Luke announced, playing with my necklace, pulling out so it was outside of the sweatshirt. "I love you," he read.

*** 

"Hope you've all been having fun tonight!" Mike shouted into the crowd. They cheered.

"So," Luke began, "does anybody know what day it is today?"

"It's a very  _special_ day, innit?" Michael chimed in.

"Here's a clue-- Katie's wearing a new necklace from her boy-toy," Calum began, "and a new sweatshirt...-"

"And it's a lovely sweatshirt, very accurate," Luke interrupted.

"So, does anybody know  _why_ Kate's got all these swaggy gifts?" Ashton asked. 

They all looked at each other and said in unison; "Why, it's her birthday!" they shouted. "So, we're going to have to ask  _all_ of you to join us in wisher her a happy, happy birthday!"

 

_Happy birthday to you_

_Happy birthday to you_

_Happy birthday dear Ka-ate_

They split the syllable in two, except for Luke, who'd come over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist and sang 

_Happy birthday dear baby_

at the top of his lungs.

_Happy birthday to you_

they finished.

"I love you," Luke said quietly in my ear, then he turned me around and kissed me. 

***

After we finished and the 1D boys went on, Luke and I had to leave immediately for the airport. When I hugged Harry and Louis goodbye, they just whispered a "Be safe and have fun" in my ear. Luke and I headed to the airport, bags in hand. A rental car drove us to the airport. When we got onto the plane, Luke pulled a box out of his carry on. "Luke, seriously!" I exclaim. "There is literally no point in arguing me any longer, baby. I told you, I'm going to get the girl I love presents, and you need to deal with it."

I sighed. "Well, if the worst thing I'll have to deal with is my boyfriend loving me, I suppose I can open it."

I unwrap the box, a little blue Tiffany's box. When I opened it, I saw two tiny sunflower earrings made of diamonds. Sunflowers; my favorite flower, though I didn't recall ever telling Luke that. "You're perfect, you know that?" I looked at him. "How... Luke, how did you know that they're my favorite flower? I've never told you that!"

"Lucky guess?" Luke tried, but he's a fucking terrible liar.

"Luke, you're seriously awful at lying to me," I told him. "Why don't you want to tell me how you know?" I asked again.

"I asked around."

"Asked  _who_?"

He looked down. "Your brother."


	17. Oh, Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth behind Kate's family

"My... my brother?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I know you don't like to talk about your family, but I just wanted to ask about flowers, figured it's something your boyfriend should know."

"Don't be sorry, I'm not angry. But, like, you could have just asked me about it, you shouldn't have... I'm just sorry you had to talk to him, that's all."

"No, it was no problem. He's not that terrible, really."

"Not that terrible? No, Luke, you can't think that. Luke, this is the boy who-- I mean, babe, he..."

"Hey, baby love, you can tell me," he said supportively, rubbing my back.

"I don't want to talk about this right now, not today, not when everything is going so well. Just, he hurt me a lot, okay? not 'not that terrible'. Just, please do not get closer to him. Please don't talk to him again."

"That's okay, baby. You can tell me if you want to, whenever you're ready. I'll be here. I promise I won't talk to him again."

"Thank you, Luke," I buried my head in his chest. "I love you."

He smiled at me and pulled out my phone, placing an earbud in each of our ears. He scrolled through my songs, and I recognized the beginning of I Do Not Love You. "Remember when I played this for you? That first time I told you I loved you? God, I was so nervous," he laughed, "worried you wouldn't love me too." 

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that?"

He bit his lip, chuckling softly. "Yeah, I get that now. I didn't even mean to tell you when I did... I had been planning to do something special, maybe wait until we'd been dating more than a few weeks. It just... it just slipped out when it did, I guess. I kind of thought you'd think it was too soon, or summat."

"No! No, I mean, yeah we'd only been together a couple of weeks, maybe, but I'd known you, we'd known each other for  _months,_ Luke. I loved you by that point, loved you so much.I'm glad you spit it out, told me then."

Luke's face lit up. "I love you," he said, smiling. "But truthfully? I loved you before I told you, long before. I... I think I started falling for you the day we met."

"So all that time... all that time you were into me? Were you... did any of the other boys know?"

"No, babe, I didn't tell any of them... I didn't think you liked me too, you know? And I didn't want to tell you, I  _really_ didn't want you, of all people to know. I kind of hoped if I suppressed my feelings, they would go away at some point, you know?"

"Why? Why didn't you just  _tell_ me?"

"Maybe this is a conversation for someplace more private, yeah? Get some sleep, love. Let's get some sleep, I'll tell you when we land, after we get to my house and stuff."

"Okay, babe, but I'm making you tell me later,"I said quietly, resting my head on his shoulder. "Love you."

"Love you too," he whispered in my ear, resting his lips on my temple. "Sleep tight, my love."

***

"Wake up, love. We've landed," Luke said, hand on my cheek. "Hi there," I said once I was fully awake, realizing how close together our faces were. "Hello, you," he said quietly, leaning in to kiss me sweetly. We grabbed our bags, and he put a hand around my waist, guiding me off the plane and we walked to the gate, meeting his mother there.

"Hi, love, you look lovely!" she exclaimed. 

"Aw, thanks, Mum," Luke smiled.

"Wasn't talking to you, Lukey, I was speaking to Katie!" 

"Thanks, Mrs. Hemmings," I smiled shyly.

"Katie, how many times do I have to tell you? Call me Liz, please."

"Can't believe you love my girlfriend more that your own son!" Luke scoffed. I looked down. "Luke, she doesn't lo--"

"Shush, baby love, of course she loves you more, she'd be insane not to. Glad at least one of the women in this car realize how perfect you are," Luke interrupted as we got into the car. I heard Liz coo from the front seat.

"I'd forgotten how beautiful it is here," I said, dodging his compliment and looking out the window of the car.

"Eh, it's all right," Luke said.

"Luke, seriously, I know you grew up here, but you can't deny it's gorgeous."

"I'm sure it's lovely, but--"

"But what?"

" _But,_ you know how when you have a taste of something, something delicious, and no other food tastes quite as good?"

"Yes..." I trailed off, confused.

"Well," Luke said, a smiled hinting on his face, "I've seen a sight, a sight so heart-wrenchingly  _beautiful,_ that nothing else really compares," Luke explained.

"Oh really. What is this mysterious sight?" I teased.

"Well," he began, "I'm looking at it right now. It's a girl, a fucking beautiful girl. You know who it is? It's the girl sitting in front of me right now. You know who it is? It's the girl I'm in love with."

"Luke, you fucking sap."

"Language!" Liz called from the front seat.

"Sorry! Sorry," I apologized.

"It's fine, love, but you've got quite a mouth for a fifteen-year-old girl," she observed.

"I love her badmouth, mum," Luke defended.

"Luke, I don't think there's a thing about her you  _don't_ love," Liz talked back. "Seriously, Kate, every time he speaks to me it's 'Kate did this, I love when she does this, Kate did that, I love when she does that'. It's embarrassing, truly, I'd think you would have found out much--"

"Mum!" Luke cut her off. "Mum,  _stop talking._ " _  
_

"What are you worried about, Luke? You've already got her, the girl's in love with you too. S'not like she's going to stop loving you because you pined for a bit."

"Yeah, Lucas. I probably won't leave you just because you're pathetically, hopelessly in love."

"Pathetic? Maybe. Hopelessly in love? Yes." 

"You're dumb."

"You're adorable."

"Idiot."

"Maybe so. But I'm still in love with you."

"Sap."

"You might not appreciate it," Liz chimed in, breaking us out of our banter, "but I'm glad that I raised him to be so... chivalrous," she said, reaching back to ruffle his hair. "Two hands on the wheel, Mummy!" he cried.

"Coming from the boy who still calls his mother 'mummy'. I'm glad he's like this too, Liz."

"Here we are!" Liz said cheerfully, pulling into the driveway. "Home sweet home." Luke led me up to his room. He sat down on the bed and sighed. "Glad to be home?" I asked. "I suppose, but... it doesn't _feel_ like home, yeah?"

"I know, I mean my house doesn't feel like my home, but I think it's different, because it was never really... my family, my house, it was never home for me."

"I get it... I haven't been homesick, though. I think... never mind," he cut himself off, bashful all of a sudden. 

"No! Luke, Luke you can tell me, I don't know what you're afraid of, but I promise you can tell me."

"No, I..."

"Luke, who do you think you're talking to? I love you, I won't... I won't judge you, if that's what you're afraid of." I sat down next to him on the bed, taking his hand.

"I think you're my home," he said softly. I looked up from where I'd been playing with his hands. He was looking at me, and he looked like a little boy. I'd never seen him this vulnerable. Not when he first confessed his feelings, not when he told me he loved me, none of the countless moments following that. "I mean," he continued nervously, "you make me feel happy, warm inside. You make me feel safe, baby. I need you. That's what a home is, somewhere you love, somewhere safe, somewhere you need." 

I leaned forward and kissed him, softly but full of meaning. "I love you," I said. "I'm so in love with you," I said quietly. "You are the first person who's ever needed me, who's ever made me feel like a person of... of worth, you know? You're the only person who I've ever felt like I'm needed."

"And I do, I really, really need you. More than you might possibly ever know. I don't know what I would do without you. That's what I was saying on the plane, love. I didn't tell you about my feelings for you earlier because I didn't want you to go, leave the band or just hate me because I had inappropriate feelings, yeah?"

" _No,_ Luke. I could never, ever hate you. You might not have been my boyfriend yet, but you were my best friend, nothing could have changed that, even if I hadn't felt the same."

"I know, it was dumb, I was just... scared, you know? Of losing you. If I couldn't be your boyfriend, you know, I could still be your friend, could still be near you. I was in love with you even then."

"Even then," I repeated. "I love you so much, baby. Maybe I haven't loved you quite as long as you loved me, but I did love you. I  _do_ love you."

"I know that, babes, I know that now. I was nervous someone like you is irreplaceable. That's why I was nervous about all of it-- I'm terrified of coming on too strong, of making you want to leave me."

"I won't, never." I kissed him again. "Come on, love!" he said, cheerful again. "We've got places to be. It's," he paused, checking the clock, "time to go!" 

"Luke, why the fuck did you need to check the clock if you weren't going to tell me what time it is?" 

"For dramatic effect!"

"It's 11 A.M, Luke, it's not that difficult."

"Well someone's stubborn. Let's get on with it. We've gotta get to the concert, babe, it starts at 12."

He pulled me up, dragging me down the stairs and stopping to kiss me at the bottom. "Let's go, birthday girl," he smiled into another kiss. "Luke, my birthday was yesterday--"

"Nonsense! I told you, we're celebrating here, today." We walked out to the car, he held the door open for me. "What a gentleman," I teased. "Only the best for the greatest girl in the world, yeah?"

I pulled his shirt in and with it, his lips to mine. "You. You are the best."

He shut the door and ran around to the other side, getting in and turning the ignition on. "Missed you," he leaned in. "Sap," I laughed, pushing his face away. "You love me."

"That I do, baby, that I do."

"I got you something." He pulled out yet another box from god-knows-where.

"What the  _fuck,_ Luke? Where do these even come from?" 

"Just... stop being so difficult and open it, Katie! I'm not starting the car until you do!"

"Fine!" I said, rolling my eyes. 

"Can't believe I'm in love with someone so fucking stubborn," he muttered.

"Can't believe I'm in love with someone so fucking cheesy," I retorted.

"Open it."

I lifted the cover off the box and saw a heart-shaped locket. "Because my heart, babes, it belongs to you," he said, smiling like the sap he was. He began to drive. I clasped our hands together over the gear shift.

***

The concert was great, Luke had gotten us front row seats. He stood behind me, arms wrapped securely around my waist the whole concert. He spent a solid thirty minutes kissing my neck, distracting me. "I love you," he whispered countless times.

"That was great, thank you baby," I said in the car, clasping our hands together. "Of course, my love." He kissed my hand. "Here," he said, handing me the locket he'd given to me earlier. "Wear this instead?"

"Of course, babe," I agreed, removing the "I love you" pendant, replacing it with the locket.

"You look beautiful, sweetie. As always."

I blushed and looked away, focused on the landscape outside. "I love you so much," I said, rubbing my thumb by his. "I love everything about you. I love your accent, I love the way you sound when you wakeup in the morning. I love how you always tell me what you're thinking. I love your lip ring. I love how you shower me with compliments, no matter how untrue they might be. I love your hands and the way you kiss. I love how you make me feel loved, how you call me baby, or babes, or love. I love you  _so_ unbearably much, so much it hurts sometimes."

When I finished my monologue, I realized that Luke had pulled the car over. He tapped my shoulder and I turned away from the window, towards him.

He grabbed me by the back of my neck, pulling me in close, kissing me deeply. I wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him in impossibly closer. "I love you," he whispered, his lips still against mine. "I _love_ you, I thought I couldn't love you anymore, but I  _do,_ still, I fall harder for you every day," he said before kissing me harder, arms tight around my back. I climbed over the center console, straddling him, my legs squeezing his. I moved my hands up, up to his hair and his hands fell down, one down to my thigh and the other cupping my butt. "I love you," I breathed out, then went in for more. We kissed deeply, hungrily. I was so crazy, passionately in love with this boy beneath me. "Luke," I whispered. "Luke,' I said again, all I could muster. I was so wonderfully in love with him. I reached for the hem of his shirt. "No, babe," he stopped me. "Not here, I told you, I'm going to make this special. I planned something, and for once, I'm going through with one of my plans for you," he said, determined. "Get in your seat, let's go!"

"Where are we going, Luke?" I asked. He just shook his head.

"Pleeeeeaaaase tell me?" I asked, making my best puppy dog face.

"Baby, you aren't going to adorable yourself into getting an answer out of me."

"But why? What's so secret that you can't tell me?" I pushed.

"Love, we'll be there in literally like 5 minutes, that was just a pit stop."

"Pit stop to snog your girlfriend in an abandoned parking lot, sure, go on."

"Look, we're right here, alright?" He pulled into a hotel. 

"Luke, what is this? We're staying at your house!"

"I'm aware, love, but I wanted to make your first time special, and so... I, um, let's just go inside, yeah?" He laced our fingers together once we were both out of the car. He led me in and checked in. When the elevator shut, he lifted me in his arms as I kissed him, my legs secured around his waist, his hands holding me steady. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, so that there was not an inch between us. When the elevator opened, he carried me over towards the room. 

" 'Kay, love, I've got to set you down now, alright?" he asked, smiling hugely, letting me slide down, and opening the door. I gasped as he opened the door. "Luke, babe? You did all this?"

There were roses all over the room, sunflowers too. We had a huge bay window, looking out over the pier, the curtains drawn, light trickling in. There were candles everywhere, and in the middle of it all, the comforter and pillows had been moved to the center of the floor. 

"It's cheesy, sappy or whatever, I know. We don't have to, if this isn't... if it's not--"

"No!" I interrupted. "No, Luke, it's perfect," I said, jumping back up on him. I kissed him, slowly this time. He walked over to the blanket, laying me down gently kissing me slowly, sensually. He hovered over me, one leg intertwined with mine. I pulled him in, down, so that we were lying side by side. I unbuttoned his shirt, kissing down his chest, button by button. His hands retreated to my hips, fingering the hem, then pushing his hands to my waist, shirt pushed up above it. He kissed me, the pushed off my shirt. I worked at his zipper, pushed his pants down, off. He peeled off my leggings, and rested a hand on my side, below my boob. He reached for the hook, removing my bra completely. I pulled him in close, inhaling him, kissing him deeply, hooking my legs with his. I let my hands roam from around his neck to the waistband of his briefs, pulling at them, down, down, off. "Hold on," he reached over to his jeans, pulling out a condom. I pushed off my underwear, as he rolled the condom on. "You okay? Ready?" he asked. "Yeah, yes, yeah, I love you," I whispered into his neck. He pushed in, letting out a moan. "I love you, so, so much, baby love," he whispered, kept whispering. "I love you too, babe, so much, love you so much."

When it was all over, he rolled off of me. "You okay?" he asked as he rubbed my back. "Yeah, I'm good," I smiled at him. "Luke?" I asked, drawing his attention away from where he was playing with my fingers. "Thank you. You know, for making me wait, making it special. I'm glad my first time was here, with you."

"Of course love, I love you, you deserve the best."

"I don't know how many times a day you can say that, but I never get tired of hearing it," I smiled into a kiss. He returned to rubbing my back with one hand, playing with my fingers with the other, kissing them one by one.

"I love every part of you. I love," he paused to kiss another finger, "your chipped nail polish. I love," kiss, "your beautiful brown eyes," he kissed my forehead twice, one time above each of my eyes , "just, everything. Every teeny, tiny bit of you, my love."

I rested my head on his chest, rested my hand on his stomach. We laid there for a while in comfortable silence. Luke, running his fingers through my hair and down my arm; me, lying there, scooting in closer to him every few minutes. "Are you cold, love?" Luke asked. He reached to the side and grabbed his shirt without waiting for an answer. "Here, love, put this on."

"Thanks," I said quietly, one word, but within it so much more. "I'm a bit thirsty, I'm going to grab some water," I said quietly, breaking the mood. I kissed him chastely, then got up, buttoning the shirt a couple times. I walked to the bathroom and grabbed a cup, filling it with tap water.

"You," I jumped at Luke's voice, "still look so motherfucking _sexy_ in my clothes." He came up behind me, arms around my waist, chin hooked over my head. I turned around and sat up on the counter, and rested my forehead against his. "Luke, I..."

"Yeah, babe? Anything, you can tell me anything."

"Look, I love you. And I'm about to trust you with something, okay? Something I've never told another person, something that I've always played down. Luke," I said, seriously, "can I trust you?"

"Of course, my love, of course. Do you want to tell me here, or I know a different place we could go..."

"Yeah, there, someplace else sounds good. I want... I only want happy memories of here."

"Okay, love, let's just get dressed, and I'll take you there, okay?" He kissed me sweetly, and we went back into the main part of the room and got dressed. "Keep that on," he said to me when I started unbuttoning his shirt to give it back to him. "It looks better on you anyways, and I have something on the floor of my car anyways."

We got dressed, went back down to the car. Luke pulled a band shirt off the floor of his car as promised, and he drove. 

"This," Luke said as we pulled into a lot, "is it." I looked around, and saw an old swing set and a scattering of picnic tables. "This is the place I used to come to write," he explained. He took my hand and we walked up to a picnic table. "Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?" Luke asked, concerned.

"It... it's about my brother. About why-- why I don't talk about him, or any of my family, why I never go home, why I was so desperate to get out."

"Yeah, love, you can tell me. It'll be ok," he said, stroking my cheek. 

"My brother- when I was growing up -my older brother was..." I trailed off, nervous to say it. Luke looked at me, concerned, hand in mine, holding it to his lips. 

"He was abusive!" I blurted out. Luke looked at me, shocked. "You mean he..." 

"He hit me, he kicked me, he strangled me. He called me fat, worthless, cunt. It was... it was awful, I was afraid to live at home. I  _had to get out._ I told my parents... after he strangled me, held me up to a wall by the throat, bruised a muscle in my neck. I told my parents, and they... they didn't do a thing. They only began punishing him after I stopped talking to him not only in the house but in public. They care about how people see us, their image..."

"Oh my god, Katie, that's terrible. I don't believe... I don't understand how anybody could ever do that, make you see yourself like that. You're so special, love. You're so important, to me, to so many girls who you're a role model to. They all see it, I see it. You're so strong, my love. You're so, so beautiful, so strong, so wonderful. You're the light of my life... how could anyone do that to you? I should have been there, met you sooner, gotten you out sooner," Luke's voice got lower, angrier.

"Luke, it isn't your fault. It's not... look, there's nothing anybody could have done, okay? I'm out now, that's what matters. I need you not to tell anyone though, okay? This isn't something that I want anyone to know. I told you because, well, because I like that you know these things. I like that you love me despite all my shit, but nobody else, okay? Nobody else can know how... messed up I am. Can you do that for me? Can you keep this secret?"

"Of course, baby, I told you I would, and I will. But hey, you aren't messed up, okay? You've had a lot of shit happen to you, but none of it was your fault. None of it. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, babe, I'm okay. What time is it, aren't we supposed to be home for dinner?"

"Yeah, in, uh... oh, shit! Good call, love, we should be headed home. Mum'll have a fit if we're late."

We ran to the car and drove quickly back to Luke's house. 

"Hi, Mum, we're back!" Luke called out.

"Hello, loves, how was the concert?" Liz asked.

"It was great, Liz, thanks for asking," I said as we entered the kitchen. "And what'd ya do after?" she asked. I looked at Luke and blushed furiously. "We, ehm, just went to, um, the, uh, the park!" I sputtered out. Liz laughed, putting the food on the table. We sat down, beginning to eat. Luke held my hand under the table the whole meal.

After dinner, Liz and I sat with tea while Luke did the dishes.

"So, you two seem pretty... settled," Liz said, choosing her words carefully. "Yeah, I mean, it's been like 6 months, but, like... I dont know, I think it's going to keep happening?" I said, unsure. "Well," Liz said. "My son? I've never seen him love anything as much as he loves you. He's given all of himself to you, I can see it. Just," she said tentatively, "please don't break my sons heart, Kate."

"I won't, I promise, I wont. I mean, I know we're young, I know that Liz. But this? Luke and I? It feels like a forever type of thing."

 


	18. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate goes home for the first time since the tour began, she reluctantly goes to see her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

"Heyyy, guys! Long time, no see!" Michael shouted when we arrived at his house three days later, at the end of our break, to drive to the airport together. The other three boys had come up on a different flight, but we were all flying back together. "Langston, Hemmings, how was the sex-cation?" he continued innocently, addressing us by our surnames. "Fuck off," I said, whacking his arm jokingly. "Okay, okay!" Michael conceded, hands up in surrender. "Kate!" Calum leaned over the seat, mock-offended. "You aren't wearing the sweatshirt we gave you! Why?" 

"She already has Luke standing there, telling any other guy to back off," Ashton chimed in from the driver's seat, teasing Luke about us for the first time since he found out. "She doesn't need a sweatshirt, too."

"It's true!" I agreed, poking Luke teasingly.

"Come on, we're here!" Luke deflected the jokes.

***

"Happy to be headed home, Katie?" Calum asked me towards the end of the flight. My seat next to Calum, with Ash, Luke and Michael behind us. "I guess... I mean, I'm excited to go back to Philly, but you know, I'll have to go see my family..."

"Aw, Katie-cat," Calum said, using Ashton's annoying nickname, "they can't possibly be  _that_ bad--."

"They are," I interrupted rigidly.

"Seriously, they're your family! What could be so bad? You have to love your family," he pushed.

I suddenly wished Luke was sitting up here so that he could defend me as I fought for words.

"You guys are my family. They... they're the people that..."

_That allowed me to be beaten._

_That drove me to cut._

_That made me feel worthless._

"They might have raised me. It doesn't mean I have to love them. You four are my family now," I said again, fighting back tears.

"Hey, Kate, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you..." Calum apologized, apparently realizing his mistake.

"It's fine, just... this is why I don't talk about them, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm really sorry, I won't ask again," he promised. I let my head rest on his shoulder and we sat in comfortable quiet as the plane began to land.

"Hey, what happened?" Luke asked when he saw my face after we landed.

"Nothing," I sighed. "It's fine, really. I'm fine."

"Calum, what happened?" He turned to Calum, getting nowhere with me.

"I, uh, asked about her family," Calum responded softly, quickly.

"Cal, man, you can't! I mean... she's...."

"I know, bro, I got that. I'm sorry," he said apologizing to me again.

"It's really fine, Cal. I shouldn't get this worked up, it's a normal question."

"Hey," Luke whispered, so Calum wouldn't hear. "It's okay for you not to want to speak about any of them after what they-- what  _he --_ did to you."

"Come on, baby, let's go," I pulled his hand, effectively ending the conversation. The tour started up again tomorrow night, so we had the rest of tonight and all of tomorrow to hang out in Philly. We checked into our hotel in Historical Philadelphia, then drove out to the suburbs where I used to live. We drove to my old school, where all my old friends were still learning. I went into the front office and checked in, then headed to the class that I knew three of my best friends were in. I poked my head into the classroom, immediately bombarded by hugs and "Oh my god we missed you sooo much!"

"Hi everyone!" I said excitedly. "Oh my god, it's soo good to be back! Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Johns," I said, turning to my old favorite Science teacher. "It's fine, Miss Langston. Not every day our favorite new rock star waltzes back home. Why don't you introduce us to your friends?" He said graciously. 

"Yeah, sure! Um, the crazy haired one, that's Mike," he waved, mock offended. "The hat, that's Ash," I continued. "This one in the beanie is Calum, and lip ring over here is Luke," I finished.

"Hey, Kate, tell us more about Luke," I heard one boy call out, in a teasing tone-- he obviously knew about me and Luke.

"Yeah, this is Luke," I said awkwardly, "he's, uh, tall, blond boy.... he's very sweet, uh, what do you want to know?" 

"What's your relationship to Luke?!" the boy called out, clearly thinking he was hilarious. "He, uh," I looked down shyly. I'd never been good at talking in front of my peers. "I'm her boyfriend, kid." Luke said to the boy. "Thanks," I whispered, knocking our hands together. 

"So, Kate, how's tour?" Mr. Johns said, bringing it back to classroom appropriate.

"It's good, yeah. I mean, it's all, like, surreal, you know? I never dreamed any of it was possible, but... here I am!" I finished cheerfully. The lunch bell rang then; this I still remembered after all this time. "Okay, great class, guys," Mr. Johns dismissed them. "Good to see you again, Kate, nice to meet your bandmates. Good luck," he said to us as we left. 

"Kate!" My old friend Alexis called out to us. "Lexi! Oh my god, hey! It's been so long, what's up?"

"Are you staying for lunch?" she asked. "We'll stay, yeah," I agreed.

"Actually Kate, your mom called me and I told her we'd come over for lunch," Ashton informed me. I saw Luke glare at him. At least he was on my side. "Well we'll come sit with you, Lex, and leave after," I compromised. We followed Lexi up to the cafeteria, but I looked back when Luke hadn't come to take my hand. "One sec, Lex," I excused myself when I spotted Luke. He was standing back with Ash. "Can you introduce Michael and Calum to everyone? I'll be back in like five minutes."

"Yeah, sure, K."

I walked over to where Luke was whispering to Ashton, standing around the corner so they wouldn't see me.

"Mate, you really shouldn't have done that," I heard Luke say quietly.

"Done what?" Ashton asked, clearly confused. 

"You shouldn't- you can't... look, you know she's sensitive about her family. You can't make that type of decision for her."

"Bro, it's her family, she knew she'd have to see them. They aren't that bad, Luke, we've all met her parents."

"She wasn't planning on going home, actually, and she has good reason."

"What? What could possibly be so terrible that she can't spend ten minutes with them a year? You'd think she'd  _want_ to see them--"

"Well, she doesn't!" Luke snapped. "Look, I'm sure it's fine, lad. Just don't do it again, okay?"

"Yeah, mate. Jeez. I mean, she never talks about it, I just figured she was going through a phase."

"Hey!" I turned the corner, smiling. "You guys coming?" 

"Yeah, love," Luke smiled at me. He came and put an arm around my waist, kissing my temple. 

"Hey, Katie-Cat, I'm sorry I called your family without your permission. It was wrong and an invasion of your privacy, I promise I won't do it again."

"Ashton, it's alright, no big deal," I brushed him off as we sat down at the table. "Hey, guys!" I turned my attention to Alexis and the rest of my old friends-- Michelle, Charlotte, Emily, Lindsay, and Angela. "It's been so long since I've seen you! How are you guys? What's been happening?" I asked, leaning in. 

"I started dating Nate."

"I got a new phone."

"I learned to play guitar."

The list went on and on. "Thank you," I murmured softly in Luke's ear. "For defending me, to Calum, earlier. To Ash, just now. I couldn't have done it myself."

"Of course, babe," he whispered in my ear, then kissed my cheek. "Hey, keep it age appropriate!" Charlotte teased.

"Oh, that's not nearly the worst of it," Calum informed her. Michael grinned, a glint in his eyes. I exchanged a glance with Luke, we decided to just let it go there.

"Yeah," Michael began. I could tell he was dead set on embarrassing us. "You know, the tour bus is a dangerous place to share with those crazy kids."

"We've all walked in on them," Calum added. "You know what they did on my birthday? I walked in on them,  _on my bed._ "

"Oh my god, Kate, what have you been up to?" Lindsay asked, obviously intrigued. "Yeah," Angela added, "Like, what have you guys-"

"I'm not going to tell!" I interrupted. "We should be on our way, anyhow. You guys go on to the car, I'll be out in a minute."

"Well, I'm not telling you  _here,_ with Luke around," I said once the guys were out of earshot. "Can we meet up later? I so missed you guys!"

There was a round of agreement. "I don't have rehearsal until tomorrow, do you just want to meet at the Starbucks on City Line?"

"Yeah!" they chorused. "We get out at 3:05," Lexi said. "I'll text my dad and see if he'll drive us."

I hugged them all goodbye, then smiled to myself. I was glad to feel like just another teenager, at least for a day.

We got to my parents house and climbed out of the car. "You sure you're okay?" Luke asked me as I knocked on the door. "Yeah, sweetie, I'm okay. Fine, really. I can handle this. I handled them for 14 years, I can handle a few hours."

"Welcome home, honey!" My mother said, opening the door, pulling me into a hug. "Hi, boys."

"Hi, Mrs. Langston," they chorused.

"Hello, Katherine," my dad said as we walked into the kitchen. "Hello boys, hello Luke. I must say, I didn't enjoy hearing that my daughter was dating you through a tabloid at the grocery store."

"Very sorry, sir." He ducked his head. "And Katherine, you should call home more often. We miss you."

"I try, Dad. I'm very busy, and I lose my phone," I tried.

"You should be calling your family, Katherine," he scolded.

"Well, she's very busy, sir, with all due respect. Did you know she's written a third of the new album?" Luke changed the subject; I shot him a grateful look.

"Well that's great, Kathie," a hauntingly familiar voice entered the room. I squeezed Luke's hand tighter, trying to control myself. "It'll be alright," he whispered, near silently. "I'm here."

"Hi, I'm Bradley," my brother said, ever-charmingly. "I'm Katherine's brother."

"Hey, bro," Ash said. Michael and Calum shook his hand, introducing themselves. 

"You must be Luke," Brad said, shaking his hand. "You taking care of my baby sister?"

My breath hitched. This, being here with him, pretending he cared, ever cared-- that was pushing it too far. Luke wrapped his arms around my waist. "Hey, I love you," he reminded me, playing with my fingers. 

"Yeah, we're all taking care of Katie," Ash said when it was clear Luke wasn't interested in responding.

"Yeah, Ash takes real good care of her, Luke too," Michael informed him.

"Should've seen Ash when he first found out about those two," Calum added. "Wouldn't let them alone together for, like, a week."

"Like an overprotective father, this one," Luke chimed in, reaching over to clap him on the shoulder.

"Well, glad somebody's looking out for our girl!" My father added. I looked away from the guys back at my dad, shocked. 'Looking out for me?' All he'd ever done was condone abuse. "I can look after myself. I don't need taking care of," I snapped at him. "Mom, do you need help? I'll go set the table," I said quickly, disentangling myself from Luke and excusing myself from the room.

I heard footsteps follow after me, then stop suddenly. I looked over as I was setting the table. My brother had pulled Luke over. "So, you and my sister," Brad began. "How, like, serious are you two?"

I could see disgust on Luke's face. I think he was as uncomfortable being there as I was.

"We're, like, in love, mate. I don't really know what you're asking me."

"Look, I'm a seventeen year old boy too. If I was on tour with my girlfriend, I'd--"

"Bradley!" I interrupted. "Could you please get out of my business?"

_Could you please get out of my life._

"What, Kathie? I'm just looking out for my baby sister!" He said. This act, this pretending to care about me, it was getting really old, really fast.

We all sat down to lunch. "So, Katherine, how's life on the road?" my dad asked. "Regretting dropping out of school yet?"

"No, Dad, I love what we do."

"You're fifteen. You're too young to know what you like."

"We got you a birthday present, by the way."

My mother pulled out a gift from under the table. I opened it. A cookbook. "Thanks, guys," I tried to sound sincere. "A cookbook?" Calum laughed. "You aren't using that in our kitchen," he joked. "You mean you  _don't_ want me burning down the entire flat in London?" I feigned surprise.

"You mean you still haven't learned to cook, Katherine? What are you going to do when you have a family?" My father looked shocked. Here it was. The speech on how I was a girl, I needed to learn to cook and clean.

"I'll do the cooking!" Luke joked. I looked at him, the notions of forever weren't lost on me. The guys all laughed, my father looked pissed. "This is the problem with today's society,"he muttered. "Men and women just taking on different roles, women providing for the family, men taking care of the children."

"So, I was talking to Casey earlier!" I quickly changed the subject. The only person in my family who I kept in touch with, my best friend, my big sister. My dad rolled his eyes, he hadn't spoken to her since he found out about her tattoos. 

The conversation continued on, precisely like this. My father's bigoted ideas, my mothers mindless obedience, my brother's false love. 

"We've really got to be going," I stood up when I couldn't take it any more. "I'm meeting Alexis and everyone for coffee. Bye," I said coldly, before taking Luke's hand and dragging him out the door. I walked over to the car, fighting tears. "Hey, baby love, I know that was difficult for you. I'm so proud of you for keeping it together in there. I couldn't have lasted, like, a fraction of the time you did." I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. "I love you," I whispered. He smiled into the kiss, hands on my hips, falling slowly down my butt. I wrapped my arms around his neck and jumped up. He pushed me up against the car, deepening the kiss, hands holding my thighs steady. I moved my hands, one pulling his neck closer, the other playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"Guys, are you for real?" Michael groaned. "Seriously, you  _have_ a room."

"Oh, hey, drop me back at school on the way back, please, Ash. I'm meeting all the girls there."

The rental car had three rows, Luke laid me down in the back row, kissing me deeply. "Love you," he whispered.

"Luke, seriously, keep it in your pants. We've all seen you two, we aren't interested in the live porn," Calum pleaded.

'Live porn.' I burst out laughing, sitting up straight. "We're here, Katie!" Mike yelled form the front seat. "Okay, I'll see you guys later, alright?" I kissed Luke deeply. "Want me to pick you up?" He asked.

"Yeah, baby. I'll call you when we're done." I kissed him again, then got out of the car. "Bye, guys!"

I recognized Lexi's dad immediately. "Mr. Kyle!" I called out to him. "Mr. Kyle, hey! Where's Alexis?" 

"I'm just waiting on the rest of your group, I'm driving you to Starbucks, right?"

"Yeah... Oh, there they are! Lex! Char!" I yelled out, motioning the whole group over.

There were stares once we got there, I'd never quite gotten used to all that. One girl came over. "Um, excuse me?" she said, nervously. She was a few years younger, probably eleven or twelve. "Hi, sweetie, what's up?" I asked her. "I'm such a big fan, could you, um, please can you sign this for me?"

"Sure, love. Do you have a pen?"

"I have one!" Lindsay pulled a pen out of her backpack. 

"Thanks, Linds. Here you go, sweetheart."

"Thanks, Kate!" the girl skipped off. 

"Oh my god, are you Kate Langston? Of 5 Seconds of Summer?" A girl about 16, 17 turned around in front of us.

"That's me! What's up?"

"I'm a huge fan of the band. We all are," she motioned to her group. "And you and Luke? Adorable! Totally ship it," she said. "Can we have a picture?" she asked. "Yeah, um, of course!" We took the picture, and by the time we finished, a bit of a crowd had formed. "I'm so sorry, guys," I said to my friends. "You don't mind, do you? Go on ahead, I'll catch up. Here," I said, handing them my credit card. "I'll cover it."

By the time it all finished, the actual drink line had long cleared and my friends were already sitting down, sipping their drinks. "I'm so sorry, guys. I so don't expect that to happen," I apologized.

"It's fine, Kate," Angela said. "Downfalls of international stardom," she joked. Emily leaned forward. "Tell us about Luke!" she demanded. 

"What do you guys want to know?" 

"Um... how long have you been together?"

"Since the day I went public with the band."

"Are you in love with him?"

"Yeah," I smiled fondly, fingering the "I love you" necklace I had been wearing.

"Oh my god, did he give you that?" Lindsay demanded, looking at it.

"Yeah, for my birthday."

"Oh, your birthday! We saw the video of you two at the concert that night," Alexis teased.

"Did he do anything else?" Charlotte asked.

"Yeah, he actually went a bit overboard on that one. He started by giving me this necklace when we woke up, then he and Harry got cupcakes for everyone on the bus and he gave me Sara Barielles tickets," I paused, leading up to the thesaurus. "Then, he did literally the cutest thing, he got this thesaurus, right? And so he went through it, the _whole thing,_ highlighting words that he said remind him of me, and writing little notes here and there." I paused, remembering the moments after, Calum's bed... I needed to get it together, keep on with the story, not the hot and heavy details of my birthday. "So then we went back to Australia, after the concert that night, we went back to his house. He was dead-set on celebrating both days, so we went to the concert, but before we went, in the car, he gave me a heart-shaped locket."

"How far have you two gone?" Angela questioned. "I mean, you don't have to tell us if you don't want to," she backtracked.

"No, no, I'll tell you. We've done, kind of... everything," I blurted out.

"You mean... _it_?" Emily asked.

"Yes, Emily, we've slept together."

"Was he your first?"

"Yeah, he was my first. He was  _so_ cute about it."

"Why? What did he do?"

"So, like, we were hooking up in our hotel room, and I decided I was ready, but he, like didn't have any condoms, and I had to meet Haz for yoga. So, like, he got it in his mind that he had to make it, like, the most special night ever. So, like, I got condoms from Harry and-" I cut myself off, almost saying Harry and Louis, which was very not allowed. "And then the next week, after the concert, he took me to a hotel. And it was so beautiful, he'd put candles and flowers all over the room. Ugh, it was so perfect," I sighed.

There was a round of "Aw, how cute's", and then my phone went off.

Lukey <3: I miss youuuuu come home :)

Me: Come pick me up ;)

Lukey <3: be there in like ten minutes!

"Hey, girls, this has been  _so_ great. Luke's coming to pick me up soon... are you guys coming tomorrow?"

"Of course! See you!"

I blew them a kiss as I walked outside to wait for Luke.

"Hey, baby," he pulled up.

"Hi there," I said, climbing in and kissing him.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

We smiled into another kiss, then Luke started driving. When we got back to the hotel, I jumped into his arms. 

"Make love to me," I whispered slowly, seductively in his ear. He dashed to the room, unlocking the door, and laying on the bed. I tore off his shirt, kissing down his chest. "Make love to me," I said again. He flipped us over, hovering centimeters from my lips. "You can't fucking say things like that, baby, or else I'll have to tear your clothes off."

"Go for it," I said, working at his zipper as he tore off my shirt. We both kicked our pants off. "Go get the condoms, they're in that blue bag," I commanded him.

"I love you," he said when he came back. "I'm in love with you," he said, pushing into me, moaning. "Love you too," I whispered in his ear. He kissed up my neck, fingers knotted in my hair, pushing into me as I let out a moan. I rolled us over, flipping on top of him, kissing him deeply. "Oh my god, Luke, Luke, Ohhh my god,  _Luke_!" I yelled, not really caring if the other guys heard me, not caring about anything in the world except me and Luke and there and then. 


	19. Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate's ex-boyfriend Jack comes to the concert, he makes a pass at her. Drama ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading it :)

"You ready?" Luke asked, whispering in my ear. I turned around.

"Yeah, I'm ready," I whispered, my lips inches from his. "After the show, I'm gonna take you back to the hotel," I whispered slowly, "And we're gonna fuck so hard," I continued, teasing, "until you can't remember your own name."

He breathed out heavily, his eyes bright. He leaned in to kiss me. "Uh uh!  _After."_ I knew what I was doing. I ran off to my starting position a and picked up my bass, and I knew he was watching me. I turned around and waved to him, blowing him a kiss and making the most seductive face possible. Calum elbowed me. "Stop teasing him, he'll get distracted," he told me. "You'd think you two would have gotten enough last night, jesus," he teased. 

"Shut up!"

"Make me."

"Cal!"

"Oh, oh, my god, oh," he teased.

"Oh my god, Calum! Shut up!" I said, slapping my hand over his mouth. He licked it. "You're a child," I rolled my eyes.

"Well you sure aren't, Lucas made sure of that last night."

"Last night, please!" I scoffed. "It's not like that was it," I continued.

"Okay, please! Stop! I give in, I don't need to know the details of my best mates' sex life!" Calum raised his hands in surrender. "Come on, Cal, let's go, curtains about up."

After we opened and the One Direction boys went on, I ran backstage, Luke grabbing my waist and pulling me in. "You," he said, pulling me onto the couch, "you cannot, can _not_ look like that on stage, teasing me all night."

"Oh really? What are you going to do about it?" I teased, climbing on top of him. He surged forward and kissed me deeply, roughly. I heard the other boys groan, but I didn't much care. I pushed Luke down on the couch, sinking into him. "I love you."

"I love--"

"Hey, I hate to interrupt," our assistant, Taylor, said. I shot up off Luke, settling into the couch and fixing my hair. "We have, um, some people, you know, backstage passes here to see you guys. Can I bring them in?"

"Send 'em in," Michael said.

A group of twenty or so kids walked in, mostly girls. I noted a few were staring at Luke. _Well, he's mine_ , I thought bitterly. They were prettier than me, probably nicer, smarter funnier... I recognized a familiar face in the crowd. "Jack! Hey!" I called him over, getting up off the couch. "What brings you here?" Jack had been my boyfriend, we'd dated for a few months. It had been a friendly breakup, we'd broken up a week after I met Ash because I wasn't feeling it.

"Hey! Yeah, I thought I'd stop by, my cousin had passes so I came with her, wanted to say hey!"

"Well, hey, then," I smiled. I turned to greet some of the other girls, then figuring they mainly wanted to see the boys, I turned back to Jack. I noticed Luke eying him warily, so I smiled back at him, letting him know Jack was just a friend.

"Hey, Kate, can I, uh, talk to you?" Jack asked.

"Totally! What's up? What's been happening?"

"Oh, you know, lacrosse, school, the usual. How about you? Oh, that was dumb, world tour and all."

I laughed. "Can I, ehm, can I tell you something?" he asked, nervous.

"Of course, Jack! What is it?"

He took in a deep breath. "I miss you."

"I miss you too! I miss all my friends, you know?"

"No, Kate, you don't get it.  _I miss you."_

"What? Jack, I don't-"

"No! Look, I miss you. I never should have let you go." He leaned in suddenly. I swerved away.

"Jack! Jack, back off. I have a boyfriend. I'll be your friend, but, I mean, I love Luke."

"Luke? That one? I can treat you better. Kate, be with me," he said, reaching for my hand. "I can love you more, better than he ever did, okay? Be with me. You'll never have to worry about other girls. It might be less convenient but--"

"Is that what you think I'm doing? Sleeping with whoever's around? I  _love_ Luke. Not you. And I don't have to worry about other girls with him, because he loves me too. It was nice of you to come, I guess, but please leave me alone."

"Whatever. Have fun with your boy-toy." He scoffed, then went off to his cousin. I went over to meet other people, keeping an eye on Jack despite my efforts not to think about him. I went over and took Luke's hand. He pulled me in and kissed the top of my head. "You okay, love?"

"Yeah, babe, why?"

"Dunno, you just seem... off."

"No, I'm fine!" I assured him. He rubbed his thumb against mine as we continued talking to the visitors. "You guys are adorable together."

"How's tour?"

"What color is Michael dying his hair next?"

The fans continued, asking the usual questions. "Okay, everyone, 5 minutes!" Taylor announced. Everyone said goodbye. Jack came over with his cousin. "Bye Luke! By Kate! It was great to meet you," his cousin said sincerely. "Yeah, Kate. Bye. Bye, Kate. Call me when you change your mind," Jack said, bitterly.

I turned around, trying to keep myself under control. I had to set Jack straight. I couldn't have him thinking I'd go back to him. "I'll be right back," I said to Luke, running out in the hall after Jack.

"Jack! Get over here, I have something to say to you."

"Finally change your mind about boy-toy?"

"No! That's exactly why I'm here. You can't... you can't say things like that. I can't have you thinking that I'll ever be with you, or anyone but Luke, for that matter. You need to go away, and leave me alone. Him, too."

"You're so afraid of the truth. Open your fucking eyes, Kate. It's me you want, not him!" Jack leaned forward and kissed me grossly. I stood there, frozen, shocked, disgusted. 

"What the fuck!?" I heard, before I could push him off.

Luke was standing in the hallway, crushed.

"Luke!" I cried out. "Luke, it's not... it isn't... Luke! Listen to me!" I called out to him.

"Get out." I turned to Jack, pushing him away, then ran after Luke. "Luke.  _Please._ It wasn't- it's not-"

"It's not what? You weren't standing there, kissing that guy? You didn't go out in the hall specifically to see him?"

"I went to see him, but-"

"But nothing, Kate. I thought you loved me. I sure as fuck love you," he said, sliding down the wall, hands covering his face. "I... I  _love_ you. I do everything for you, I can't live without you. I thought you felt the same way!" His tone wasn't angry anymore, it was worse. It was broken.

"Luke! Let me explain, please. I do love you. Please, can you give me a chance to explain?" I asked tentatively, unsure of where I stood with Luke at the moment.

Luke sighed. "This better be worth it. Just don't lie to me, alright? If you don't want me, tell me now. Don't lie, don't cheat."

"I'm not lying. I love you so, so much. I didn't kiss him, okay? He kissed me. I didn't stop him because by the time I realized what was happening, you'd come out in the hallway."

Luke looked friendlier now, taking my hand. "But who was he? And why were you talking to him in the first place?"

"He was my ex boyfriend," I said quietly. "I broke up with him like a week after I met you guys, because I wasn't feeling it. Because I didn't feel anything for  _him._ "

"Why was he here?"

"He came with his cousin, so he could see me. He wanted to tell me he still liked me and asked me to take him back."

Luke looked up, shocked, almost angry again. "I told him to fuck off," I told Luke before he could ask. "I want you to know... I wouldn't have taken him back if you were here or not. I broke up with him because I felt nothing for him, I still feel nothing for him. I went out in the hallway to tell him to leave me alone and leave you alone, because I love you and I'm not letting anything get in between me and you and forever." I sighed. "I don't know if that still applies, the forever thing, if you still want that..." I trailed off. 

"Kate are you insane?" Luke said, sitting up straighter, pulling my chin up. "Of course I still want forever,  _of course_ I do. I'm so, hopelessly in love with you. I'm sorry I yelled at you, just... seeing you with someone else made me crazy. I thought it was your way of leaving me."

"Hey, hey don't apologize. Not to me, not for that. It's perfectly reasonable... It makes sense, obviously if I saw you kissing someone else I'd freak out. But don't you ever,  _ever_ think, not for one second, that I'll ever stop loving you. I want every second I could possibly have with you."

Luke surged forward and kissed me, deep with meaning. "Thank you for understanding," I whispered. "I could never stay angry," he responded. "Not with you."

"We good?"

"We're good."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"I love  _you_ more."

"I love you most."

"Debatable."

"Would you stop being so fucking stubborn and kiss me, love?"

I obliged, smiling into his kiss. 

 


	20. Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate can't live with herself for making Luke upset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy mi amigas!

When we got back to the hotel, Luke and I got straight into bed. "It's late, babe, and we have to be up early tomorrow," he said as he removed his lip ring. I settled under his arm and kissed him chastely. "Night, baby," I said quietly and tried to fall asleep.

While Luke was drifting off to sleep, I laid there, replaying tonights events in my mind. Luke was upset. Luke was crying, crying over me. I made Luke cry. Luke was sad, Luke was  _broken_ , because of me. Because I was dumb. I broke Luke. This perfect, wonderful boy, lying next to me, and I had made him feel... I'd seen the look on his face; nobody deserved to look like that. I looked at him, sleeping peacefully, his arms wrapped around me. He was okay now, but it was still evident that he'd been crying.

Crying. I made this boy that I loved cry. I took him and I reeled him in and he trusted me and I hurt him. A tear slipped out of my eyes.  _No,_ I thought.  _No, you cannot cry. Not now, not here._ I shut my eyes and rested my head on Luke's chest, pushing my feelings aside. 

"Hey, baby," Luke woke me up gently the next morning. "Time to get up."

Now, normally I would protest, make it difficult, but I was still remembering yesterdays events. Jack's disgusting lips on mine, Luke's crushed face, his tears, everything that I did to him. I got up quietly and went to the bathroom, following Luke. "You okay, love? You seem, I don't know, off."

"Yeah, Luke, I'm fine. I'm just, like, I... I'm so sorry, Luke. I didn't mean for any of it to happen--"

"Baby, it's seriously no big deal. It was just a misunderstanding," he said sweetly. "Come here," he said, pulling me into his arms. "It's okay. It isn't your fault that you're so irresistible," he laughed, turning the mood light, happy like it usually was. "I've been in love with you since day one, I can barely blame that kid. Come on, love, we've got to be getting ready." Luke went over to the mirror, handing me my makeup bag and picking up his razor to start shaving. "Hey, my lip ring is in the other room, I'm gonna go grab it," he said when he finished shaving. He pecked me on the lips then dashed out. I watched him go, overwhelmed with love, with guilt. I made him love me, then I pulled him in, and I hurt him. He was over it, but it still happened. I still hurt him. I put my mascara tube down, then reached for his razor. I fought internally with it for a moment, then pulled it to my wrist. I had to do this. I had to pay for what I'd done to Luke. I kneeled on the floor as I pulled the blades to my wrist and dragged it across my wrist. One, then beginning another--

"Babe!" Luke had come back, lip ring fastened. He rushed over to me and kneeled beside me, tearing the razor from my hand. "Babe, what are you doing? I thought you were done with this."

I looked up at him, saw the disappointment in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Luke. I'm so sorry about  _everything._ I'm sorry for making you love me, I'm sorry for hurting you. You don't deserve this, you shouldn't have to look after me like this."

"Baby love, I can't... how do I describe to you what you're like? You aren't a burden, not to me, not to anybody. What happened yesterday? Yeah, it hurt, but not compared to this. Not compared to seeing how fucking blind you are. Nothing hurts more than you in pain. Nothing hurts more than this, you, here. I can't... I don't know if I can explain this to you. You aren't a burden, you're a light. You command this energy when you walk in a room, you can put a smile on anyone's face. Your eyes sparkle when you laugh and you bite your lip when you're thinking, and it's the most wonderful thing I've ever seen. You're beautiful, inside and out... fuck, Kate, you're even beautiful when you cry."

"You don't have to do this , Luke, you don't have to lie to cheer me up, I'll be fine."

"I'm not lying! Katie,  _babe,_ look, we have to make the bus, but we've got to get on the bus. Let's get you cleaned up alright?"

I nodded silently. Luke grabbed a washcloth and wiped my arm off, blood staining the towel. "Hey," I said, taking it from him. "Thank you. Thank you for loving me," I said sincerely. He leaned in. "My privilege," he whispered, the kissed me sweetly. "Do you have bandages in your bag?"

"Yeah, they're in my makeup bag," I said as he reached up to the counter. He grabbed one out and applied it on my arm. "Love?" he asked. "Yeah, baby?"

"Let's make this the last time, yeah?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "The last time." 

We got up to grab our bags when I saw my bracelets on the bed, making me realize that I was wearing short sleeves, had been planning to wear bracelets to cover my scars. "Luke?"

"Yeah, baby love?"

"Luke, I can't wear those bracelets, they'll disrupt the bandage. Can I... do we have a minute to change?"

"Yeah, baby, of course. Here, take this," he offered, quickly pulling out his grey-blue flannel and handing it to me. I pulled it over the shirt I had on already, leaving it unbuttoned. "Good?" I asked, unsure.

"As always," he smiled, kissing me. We went downstairs, checked out, and boarded the bus. 

"Hey, guys!" Niall called. "Took you long enough," Zayn teased. "Hey, Kate, aren't ya hot? It's so warm outside, and you're in long sleeves!" he exclaimed. I looked down, unsure of what to say or how to respond. I squeezed Luke's hand and he took a deep breath, I could tell he would deflect it.

"Of course she's hot, mate, have you seen her?" Luke joked easily. I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you," I mouthed as the boys laughed. I walked over to my bed and put down my bags, sitting down and looking out the window. I saw Ashton looking over, concern in his eyes. I avoided his gaze as I plugged in my earbuds, hitting play. I didn't want to face Ash, didn't want him to know what I'd done. I turned up the volume and tried to just sit there and not think.

"Hey," I heard a voice say. I whipped my head around. "Hey, baby," I said, leaning in to kiss Luke. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I mean... I'll be okay. I just need to, like, sit here for a while and not think, you know?"

"I... yeah, I guess. I just wish-- I wish I knew how to make you feel better."

"Yeah, well. So do I. I'm just gonna, like, sit here and watch a movie or something, kay?"

"Yeah, love, whatever you want. Do you want me to stay here and sit with you?"

"Sure, if you want to.  Can you pass me my laptop?"

He reached into my bag and pulled out my laptop. I plugged them into my laptop and passed one to him. 

"Here," I said. "You can put on whatever you want, I don't care."

Luke put on some tv show, I wasn't paying attention. I looked out the window and willed myself not to cry. I couldn't believe I'd relapsed. Luke had forgiven me, he'd understood. All that I'd done was hurt him more. I bit my lip, holding back tears, playing with one of my rings. I could not cry. I couldn't let Luke see me cry, that only made him sad. i couldn't hurt him more. I turned completely away from him and wiped a tear away from my eye. "Hey," he whispered. "I'm gonna go grab a soda, you want anything?"

"I'm good, thanks, babe."

He got up, I noticed him motioning for Ashton to come with him. As soon as they left the room, whispering quietly, I shut the curtain on my bunk. I grabbed a pillow to suppress any sound and let out a sob. I heard someone come over and open the curtain. I stayed, crumpled into a ball. I thought maybe if I ignored whomever it was they would go away. 

"Hey, sweetheart, what's wrong?" I heard Harry say in a hushed voice. I ignored him, smushing my head into the pillow.

"Love, tell us what's wrong." I guess Louis had come over too, then. I looked up, hoping it was only them. I scooted back on the bed, making room for them both to sit on my bed.

"Can you... could you close the curtain, please?" 

Harry shut the curtain. "Love, what's wrong?" Louis asked. He looked worried; they both did. I covered my face with my hands, unsure of what to say.

"Katie, hey, what's up? What happened?" Louis asked.

"I-it's-I... It's nothing."

"Don't try that," Harry said. "Not on us, it clearly isn't 'nothing'. You normally don't let things bother you, Katie, I've never seen you cry over anything trivial."

"Come on, you can tell us!" Louis insisted. 

"It's not important, okay?" I tried.

"It obviously is. We just want to make you feel better." Harry and Louis moved to be seated on either side of me.

"Is it... is it Luke?" Harry asked. I looked up, shocked. Louis took my hands away from my face urgently. 

"Kate, I know you don't want to hurt him, but if he did something... we'll punch him, I swear to god," Louis said, growing angry. He began to stand up.

"Lou! No, Luke didn't hurt me, calm down. I... I hurt him. I can't fucking stand that I hurt him, all I'm doing is hurting him more and more--"

"Kate!" Harry interrupted. "Kate, I don't know what you think you've done, but that boy is so in love with you. He isn't angry with you, you haven't hurt him."

"I have, H. I've hurt him and he won't say it but I know that I have, okay? I... I love him, and I hurt him, and I can't keep doing this."

"Kate, Katie look at me," Louis demanded. "Luke isn't angry with you, I promise. You need to talk to him, and tell him how you feel. A relationship starves without communication."

"He's right. Luke's in the kitchen with Ashton, go talk to him. Now!" Harry commanded. I got up and walked to the kitchen, my head down to hide my face from the other guys.

"Hey," I said quietly as I entered. Ashton and Luke looked up quietly from where they had been quietly discussing something. Me, they'd been discussing me, judging from the guilt on Luke's face and the concern on Ash's.

"I know you guys were talking about me, it's fine," I blurted out.

"Well, yeah, baby. I'm sorry, we're just worried is all," Luke apologized. 

"Yeah, Katie-Cat. We love you... what made you... you know?" Ash asked, motioning at my shirt.

I turned to Luke. "I can't stand making you sad. I can't stand when you look like you did, defeated and broken. I made you feel like that, Luke. And then I did this, and I hurt you, all over again."

"I'm just going to leave you two alone, yeah?" Ashton said suddenly, getting up to leave. Luke looked back to me.

"Yeah, Kate, I felt broken, but only because I misread a situation. Just, let me get this straight: you did this because you hated making me think I'd lost you?"

I nodded silently.

"Kate,  _Katie._ It hurt like fuck when I thought you didn't love me anymore, obviously. But nothing,  _nothing_ compares to the pain of seeing you like that, like you need to turn to hurting yourself. You not loving me was like dying. But you hurting yourself is the worst thing I've ever felt. Fuck, Katie, how can I explain it to you?"

I looked down, ashamed.

"Baby, look at me," Luke said gently. "I would got through that, seeing some other guy on you, a billion times before I let you pick up a blade ever again. Okay?"

I let out a sob.

"No, baby love, don't cry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, no," I waved him off. "It's not what you said. I love you so much, though. I can't handle hurting you, you know? I hate that you're sad when I'm sad."

"Well I hate that you're sad in the first place. Look, I can't... I wish I knew how to cheer you up. I don't, and that sucks, and I'm just making it worse. Ash, he wanted to talk to you too. I'll go get him."

Luke got up and came back moments later, Ashton in tow. They came over and sat next to me. 

"Look, Kate. We all love you, so much. Luke particularly, and nothing you do could make him be any less smitten with you. You need to talk to him, or me, or any one of us when you feel sad, like you need to cut. Your feelings aren't a burden. I know you think they are, but trust me. We'd all love to help you, you just have to let us."

I threw my arms around his neck. "Thank you," I whispered. I pulled away and took Luke's hand. "I feel a lot better, really. Now that I know you're okay, you aren't angry, now I'm okay. And Luke?"

"Yeah, love?"

"It didn't work. I used to cut because it was the only way I could feel. But this?" I said, pulling up my sleeve. "This didn't work. I felt, and I tried to cut, I tried to make it go away... it didn't work! It won't work, Luke. I only felt better talking about it; I only felt better communicating. Baby," I smiled, suddenly cheerful. "Babe! I think... I think I'm better, you know?"

He looked at me, then hugged me fiercely. "Babe," he whispered. "Baby, I am so, so proud of you." 

"You. You did this," I said, pulling away and turning to Ashton. "Both of you. Thank you."

I hugged Ashton, then he got up and went back to his bunk. I turned back to Luke, kissing him sweetly. "Thank you," I whispered. "You saved me." I kissed him again, this time slower, deeper. He pulled me onto his lap. "I love you, I'm so proud of you," he said to me, kissing me back. "So, so proud."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, smiling into another kiss. He put a hand on my knee, slipping it in between my legs and sliding up, up, up. I rested our foreheads together and exhaled heavily, going back in for more. "I love you," Luke whispered in between kisses. "I." Kiss. "Love." Kiss. "You." Kiss. "So." Kiss. "Fucking." Kiss. "Much." Kiss. He kissed me deeply a hand between my legs and another wrapped around my waist, fingers rubbing underneath the hem of my shirt.

"Oh my  _god,_ seriously, guys?  _No hooking up on the bus_ ," Liam's voice broke us out of our little world. I looked up, laughing. "Sorry, Li!"

"Yeah, mate. Sorry." Luke said, then leaned back in to kiss me. 

"Bro! Bus. Hooking up. No."

We ignored him, continued kissing.

"Guys. We'll be at the hotel in, like, an hour, tops. Can't you keep it in your pants for that long?"

We ignored him still, smiling into another kiss. Liam sighed, we could hear the defeat in his voice. 

"Hey, Li, what's--oh," we heard footsteps, then Niall's voice. "Hey, mates, you know the rule."

"Leave them alone," we heard Louis's voice. "Yeah," Harry chimed in. "Let 'em at it. They're in love."

"Fucking hell, Kate, Luke! You guys are honestly worse than Harry and Louis," I heard Zayn's voice.

I looked up, having had enough of their comments. I shifted to face them, still on Luke's lap."Finally!" Liam cried. "Guys, you seriously have to--"

"Yeah, yeah. No hooking up on the bus. Got it. Movie?" Luke cut him off, clearly not having any of Liam's reprimanding today. We all walked over to the couch and tv, four of them squeezing onto the couch, Harry, Louis, Luke, Michael and I onto the floor. I settled in between Luke's legs. "I love you," he whispered in my ear. "And I'm proud of you, and you're so, so strong, and I love you more than anything."

I leaned back against him taking his hands in mine, trying to watch the movie. As I looked around, I felt a gust of appreciation for these nine boys. Calum, Zayn, Ashton, Liam and Niall on the couch, watching the movie intently; Michael on the floor, doing something or other with his phone; Harry and Louis seated side by side, practically on top of each other, whispering to one another, kissing every so often; and Luke, here behind me, whom I was fantastically in love with, and who was in love with me too. I loved all of these boys dearly. And here, on tour with them, this was the first place I'd ever belonged. 


	21. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years later, Kate is legally old enough for forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoyyyy

Everything was wonderful. Then, at age 15, with my first love. And now, age 18, with my first love still. I hadn't cut, not since that day with Jack. Today, on my 18th birthday, things were more or less the same. Louis and Harry had been allowed to come out two years before; their wedding was a few weeks ago. Zayn and Perrie had gone through with the wedding. Everything else was pretty much the same. 

I woke up in our apartment in London; Luke and I had moved in together after Where We Are finished up. We were on a break from touring, recording in London. The light flickered through the white curtains of our bedroom, I reached for Luke, confused at the emptiness on the other side of the bed.

"Hey, babe," I heard him across the room. "Happy birthday, love. Here, I made you tea."

"Thank you," I said as he leaned down to kiss me, sitting on our bed. "You're 18," he said.

"I know. I'm an old lady," I joked.

"You know what I meant. Now I don't have to feel like a perv for being 20 and in love with a 17 year old."

"Guess I'll just have to leave you for someone older, then," I teased.

"I love you. Come on, let's go. We've got to get to the studio."

"Okay, babe. Hand me that?" I asked, pointing to the shirt he'd been wearing the night before. "You know, baby, you really shouldn't just throw your shirts on the floor like that."

"Sorry, baby love. I guess I was just... otherwise occupied," he teased, leaning in to kiss me languidly. I could tell he was remembering last night; I was too. I broke the kiss and pulled on his shirt. He groaned. "Why, love?" He leaned over, whispering in my ear. "It was so much better before."

He kissed me, pushing the shirt up, tickling me. 

"Luke! No!" I squealed. "We have to get to the studio, babe," I reminded him, giggling. I stood up, pulling him with me.

We drove to the studio together. When we got there, I was bombarded by hugs and gifts from the guys. We went through the day, various gifts from Luke popping up. When we got home, we ordered Chinese takeout and sat on the couch, watching old reruns of  _How I Met Your Mother_. Tried to watch, I should say. Luke kept kissing me, and finally I gave in. I reached up, kissing him deeply. I straddled him, pushing him down on the couch and lacing our fingers together above his head. Luke broke the kiss, wrapping his arms around me, hands still clasping mine. "I," he began, "love you so much."

"Aw, baby, love you too," I responded. We sat there on the couch for a while, pretending to watch but in reality just sitting there, wrapped up in our own little world. "Hey," Luke whispered after a while. "The episode's over."

"Oh, ok, I'll change it! Where's the remote?"

"I don't know, love, I think it's in the couch. Let's look for it."

I got off of him, searching in the couch for the remote. I dug around, looking for it. "I found it!" I announced, turning around. "Here it i--" I stopped short when I saw Luke kneeling before me, hands presenting a little black box, diamond ring inside.

"I've waited three years to ask you this, love. We've always talked about forever and now... now you're 18. Now we can have forever. I know people will say that 18 and 20 are too young to be engaged, but I love you, and I want to be your husband. So, what do you say, my love? Do you want... Will you marry me?"

"Yes!" I yelled. "Yes, of course I will! Oh, my god, baby, of course, yes! A thousand times, yes!" 

He got up and kissed me, grinning widely, one hand wrapped around my waist, the other still holding the box. "Wait, wait, wait!" He said excitedly. "Let's get this on you, yeah?" He took the ring out of the box, slipping it on my finger. It fit perfectly. "Do you like it?" he asked nervously.

I looked at the ring, a princess cut diamond on a shiny silver band. "I love it," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. 

"Oh, hey, babe, I promised I'd tell the guys after it happened, what you said."

"Okay! Here, give me your phone." I took a picture of my hand, then wrote "Mrs. Hemmings" underneath it. I showed it to Luke, who nodded approval. I hit send to all three of them. Almost instantly, Luke's phone lit up. Calum's number popped up.

"Hello?" Luke said, answering. 

"Put it on speakerphone," I insisted. He obliged. "Hey, Cal!"

"Hey, guys! Ash and Mikey are here too."

"Hey, guys!"

"Congratulations!"

"Thanks, lads," I smiled at Luke.

"We'll let you get back to it, just wanted to say congrats! Bye!" Michael said, hanging up the phone.

I jumped into Luke's arms as soon as he hung up. "I love you," I said, resting my forehead against him, "and I can't wait for you to be mine forever."

Luke smiled, kissing me and laying me down on our bed. "Love," he said quietly. "I've been yours since day one."

***

The next morning I woke up next to Luke, his arms around my waist, hands intertwined. I looked down, seeing the ring and remembering that he'd proposed the night before. I turned around and woke him up, kissing him. "Hey, love," he said, smiling. "What's up?"  
"Nothing, just love you. Like, a lot."

"Love you more."

"Love you most!"

"Nope," he said, wrestling with me.

"Uh huh, I do. Love you so much more. You can't even imagine."

"No, You're wrong." He leaned down to kiss me. "I love you the very most, end of discussion."

We kissed for a while more. "I'm gonna go take a shower," Luke said as he pulled away and stood up. 

"I'll miss you!" I teased as he walked into the bathroom. I could do this forever, and what's more, I was going to. I knew we were young, I knew people would say we were too young to make a decision like this, but Luke and I had been so deeply in this since the start. He was my first love, and he was going to be my only love. I grabbed my phone and opened twitter, which was blowing up from mentions. I saw that the boys had all tweeted:

@5SOS: Congrats, @Kate5SOS @Luke5SOS !!!!!

@Calum5SOS: Happy birthday @Kate5SOS ! Special surprises from Luke?

@Ashton5SOS: @Luke5SOS take care of her ;)

And Michael just tweeted a string of ring emoji's. 

I guess the cat was out of the bag, then. I looked down at the ring again, admiring it's clarity, it's shininess. It was so perfect because it was from Luke, I knew he'd put a lot of thought into this.

"Admiring your bling?" Luke teased, re-entering the room. I looked up and laughed. "It's sparklyyyyyyy!"

"So you like it, then?"

"I love it," I said, getting up to kiss him. "I love you."

"Love you too, baby. Love you forever." He kissed me, then sat down next to me on the bed. "We don't have to work today," he said simply. "We can just sit here and do this," he kissed me, "all day."

"We really should, babe." I leaned back in to kiss him.

"Oh, hey!" I said suddenly, remembering the tweets. "We should address all this."

I showed him the guys' tweets, then my mentions, questions ranging from "Happy birthday @Kate5SOS ! What did Luke give you?" to "r u preggers? @Kate5SOS" 

Luke sighed. "Yeah, do you want to just, like, tweet a picture of it?"

I agreed. He matched up our hands, comparing their sizes, and snapped a picture.

@Luke5SOS: Katie has teeny tiny hands.

Attached, the picture of our hands, ring visible. Luke threw the phone aside, leaning over to kiss me again. "You're going to be my wife."

I smiled at him. "And you're going to be my husband."


	22. Perfectly Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> weddings! this is what the dress is http://www.acharlestonbride.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Marchesa.jpg

this is the wedding dress enjoy the chapter!"See you tomorrow, my love," Luke said to me, Michael, Calum, and Ash all pulling him out the door. "See you, future husband. Go, have fun!" I leaned up to kiss him, then sent him on his way. Tomorrow was the wedding, my wedding. I was marrying Luke tomorrow. I watched him go down the hall, then turned around to face Harry and Louis. 

"Excited?" Louis asked from where he was seated.

"Of course she's excited, Lou, look at her, she's practically screaming right now."

I blushed, then walked over to sit with them at the counter. "So, what are we doing tonight?" I asked Harry. 

"Well, let's get some food in you, yeah?" he suggested, looking at the stove. He took out a box of mac and cheese and held it out towards me. I nodded, and he got to it. "You want to watch a movie or summat, love?" Louis suggested. I nodded, and we went to the living room and sat on the couch. I leaned a head on his shoulder while he flipped through the channels. "Lou?" I asked.

"Yeah, love?"

"When you married Harry, were you nervous at all?"

"I was a bit, but I was more excited thananything. Harry's always been it for me, I was just excited to call him my husband, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"So why are you so nervous, Katie? You can tell me," Louis asked.

"I'm fine, truly. Let's just watch a movie, okay?"

"Yeah, love. Do you want wine or something to calm your nerves?"

"No, thanks, Lou."

He continued flipping through channels. "Knocked up?" he asked. I tensed, a hand flying to my stomach. "The movie, love. Knocked up?"

"Oh, yeah, sure." I let out a sigh of relief. We sat and watched for a few minutes, then, "Oh my god!" Louis said quietly. 

"Yeah, L, what's up?"

"You won't drink, your hand's been on your stomach all night, and you froze when I said knocked up."

"What are you implying, Louis?" I asked, knowing what was coming. "Katie," he said. "Katie, are you carrying baby Hemmings?"

I broke into a grin. "I"m pregnant!"

"Congratulations, love! I'm so happy for you!"

"Hey, though, can you not tell anyone? I haven't even told Luke yet."

"Sure, babe, but you're going to tell him soon, right?"

"Yeah, Lou, I'll tell him soon. Shh, don't talk, I hear Harry coming."

We turned back to the tv. Harry came in, carrying three bowls of Mac and cheese. "Thanks, H."

"Yeah, baby cakes, thanks. It's delicious."

"You two are disgusting," I teased.

"Oh, please! You and Luke are just as bad," Harry said, sitting on Louis's other side and wrapping his arm around him.

About half way through the movie, I got restless, bored of the movie. "Hey, it's getting late," Harry said. "You need to get to bed, get your beauty sleep."

"Yeah, you're right. You guys can stay over here in the guest room," I offered. "Just, like, don't have sex on my couch. Goodnight," I said again, heading off to bed.

***

"Hey there, Katie-Cat. Wake up," Harry said. I rolled over. "Kate," Louis groaned. "Get up, it's your wedding day! You need to get ready!" I shot up, remembering. "I'm marrying Luke today!" I announced.

"You don't say," Harry teased. "Get up, I'll make breakfast."

I got up and brushed my teeth, then went into the kitchen where Harry and Louis were already seated. "Morning, sunshine!" Harry said, pushing tea and scrambled eggs in front of me. "M'not hungry, Harry," I pleaded. 

"Nonsense, Katie, it's your wedding day and you need to eat."

I groaned, sipping my tea.

"Hazza, love, would you grab my sweatshirt from the guest room? It's a bit drafty in here."

Harry dashed out of the room, and Louis turned to me. "Katie, you need to eat. For you, and for the baby." He pushed my plate toward me and I obliged, taking a few bites. After I finished, Harry had returned with Louis' sweatshirt and a bag of nail polish. "Pick a color," he said. "Harry, no. I hate painting my nails. I don't like waiting for them to dry."

"You're hopeless. At least take off the chipped polish."

I obliged, removing the chipped blue nail polish I'd worn for an awards show a few weeks back. "So, the ceremony is at 5, you have to be there by 3, and it's about 11 now. We have to do your hair, makeup, and get you in your dress. What do you want to do first?"

I decided to wash my hair, then put on my makeup while it dried. Louis did my brown hair in a loose side braid. "Used to do Fizzy and Lottie's hair like this" he explained. "You look beautiful," Harry said when Louis'd finished.  "Let's get some lunch in you."

"Harry, I just ate, like two hours ago,"  I protested. Louis gave me a look; I could tell he wanted to shout "baby" at me. I went into the kitchen with Harry, who pulled a Ceaser salad out of the fridge and put it on a plate for me. After I finished eating, Louis got me up, insisting on seeing my dress. "It's in the hall closet," I said. "Can you grab it and bring it to my room?"

He took it and put the garment bag down, unzipping it. "Katie, it's gorgeous," Harry said to me. 

"Haz, you helped me choose it, you don't need to act surprised."

"Well, I think it's beautiful," Louis offered. "We'll let you change, be back in a mo'," Louis said, getting up and leading Harry out of the room. I stepped in, then called out for them. "Guys! Can you button this for me?"

Harry rushed in and buttoned it. "You look beautiful, look in the mirror."

I turned around and smiled. "It's perfect," I said, admiring the flowy white fabric and sparkly lace around the neckline and waist. I looked at my engagement ring, sparkling perfectly with the sparkly lace. 

"Hey, we have about a half hour before we have to go, how about some champagne?" Harry suggested as we entered the kitchen. "I don't know, Harry," I said, sending Louis a worried glance. 

"Aw, come on, it's your wedding day!" Harry pushed. Louis and I exchanged a glance, and I nodded. 

"Harry," I stopped him. "I'm not drinking."

Harry looked at me, confused, then to Louis, a smile stretching across all three of our faces. Harry put the bottle down and ran over, hugging me. "I'm so happy for you!" he exclaimed. "Congratulations! Have you told anyone?"

"No, I just found out myself a few weeks ago. I haven't even told Luke, so keep it under wraps?"

"Of course, Katie, but you should tell him, okay? Why haven't you; are you nervous?"

"I suppose, a bit, but we've always talked about having kids. I think he'll be happy," I said quietly. 

"Of course he will be! Come on, love, we have to go. Can't be late to your own wedding!" Louis insisted. We went outside and Louis drove us there. When we arrived, Michael and Ashton were waiting for me, taking me to a room where I wouldn't see Luke. 

"You look beautiful," Ash said, hugging me close. "You do. Luke's gonna love it," Michael added. I peeked my head out the window and looked out at the lawn. It was to be an outdoor ceremony. We'd tried to keep it small, but it ended up being about fifty or sixty people.

"You guys should go back to Luke," I said to them. Those two, along with Calum, were collectively Luke's best men. They left, opening the door for someone on their way out. "Casey!" I shouted. My sister, best friend, and Maid of Honor. "Hi! How was your flight?" I asked her.

"It was great! Wouldn't miss my baby sister getting married, even if it is on a different continent," she laughed. "How's Luke? I've only met him, like, once!" she laughed.

"He's great," I smiled. "How's, uh, parents, brad, and everyone?"

"You know, the same. Are they coming?" she asked.

"No," I smiled. "Said they didn't appreciate hearing about my engagement through Brad's twitter."

"That's our parents. I don't know about you, but I'm glad. They'll only cause drama, sis."

I laughed. We talked for a while, catching up until it was time for the wedding to begin.

"You ready?" Harry whispered as he and Louis each took one of my arms, preparing to walk me down the aisle. I smiled, and we began walking. I teared up as I saw Luke standing there, smiling brightly. When we got to the alter, Harry and Louis each kissed my cheek before handing me off to Luke. I smiled broadly at him. "Love you," he mouthed.

***

After the ceremony, we all went to the reception hall. Luke brought over two flukes of champagne. "Drink, love?"

"No, thanks, babe. I'm, um, I'm not drinking," I said tentatively.

He smiled. "It's apple cider, babe."

I smiled at him, taking the glass. "Thanks, babe-- wait, how did you know?"

"Know what?" he smiled mischievously. I could tell he wasn't giving anything up. 

"My dear husband," I teased. "How did you know that I'm not drinking?"

"You haven't had a drink in three weeks, love. Are you going to tell me why?"

"I'm pregnant!" I blurted out. He looked away from where he was playing with my fingers. "Babe," he said, almost a whisper. "Love," he said again, louder this time, wrapping his arms around me, picking me up and spinning me around. He kissed me fiercely. 

"You're happy?" I asked, thrilled at his reaction. 

"Yes, love, of course I am," he exclaimed, leading me over to the table and sitting me down, kissing me once more. "How long have you known?"

"A few weeks, I guess. I haven't told anyone, I mean Louis guessed, so Harry knows, but that's all. I wanted you to know, before anyone else."

"I'm so, so happy, love. You're my wife, and we're going to have a little baby together." He leaned forward, cupping my chin and kissing me sweetly. "Have I told you how radiant you look, love?" he asked, teasing.

"Only a few times." I kissed him again.

"Hey, lovebirds, hate to interrupt," Calum said, sitting beside us at the table. We looked up. "First of all, Katie, you look lovely," he began. "Congratulations, both of you. It's, uh, time for your first dance," he finished quickly.

"Thanks, Cal!" I said, getting up to hug him. Then, Luke led me out onto the dance floor, where the chords to I Do Not Love You played out. We had chosen this song for our first dance, of course, because it was our song, the first song Luke ever really played for me, the first song he ever told me he loved me to. "I love you, wife," he whispered in my ear. "I love you, and I love our baby and our family," he continued. I smiled up at him, pressing my lips to his. "I do not love you for the way you've been exactly what I'm looking for," Luke sang along quietly, in my ear. I rested my head on his chest, then looked back up at him. "Love you so fucking much, you know that?" I said to him. He leaned in and kissed me again, smiling into it until the song ended.

"I love you, Luke Hemmings."

"Love you more, Kate Hemmings."

***

Nine months later, I gave birth to a baby girl. Genevieve Mae Hemmings. "She's perfect, love," Luke said as we held her for the first time. I wiped away a tear. "Hey, baby, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Luke, they're happy tears. Just... I never thought, all those years ago when I boarded a plane to Arizona, I never thought I'd be meeting my brothers, my husband. You're the love of my life, Luke, I love you so much."

He looked at me, breaking into a huge smile and kissing me softly. "I love you, Katie, and Genevieve, and both of you matter more to me than anything else. This is our little family, perfectly forever."


End file.
